on failing as a friend and feeling helpless

He was 28, fun-loving, charismatic, smart and always laughing.  We always shared random inside jokes and told stories of our drunken college days. 

My day started out like any other.  I went to work and then rushed home to drive out to the boondocks of Coatesville to participate in a video shoot for my friend's nonprofit.  People were running late, so my shoot took a short 10 minutes but I nailed it.  Then I raced down to my hockey game.  I saw my friend, we exchanged "hello's" and then I got ready to play.

Halfway through our game, I saw my friend collapse.  I raced over to him and witnessed him having a seizure.  Then he had a heart attack.  Then, right before my eyes, he died.  No pulse, no breathing, no eyes moving.  Nothing. 

In a sheer moment, my friend was taken from me.  And I didn't even get to say goodbye.  I didn't even get to hug him one last time.

Witnessing that even was absolutely terrifying.  Sitting beside your friend as he has a seizure and a heart attack, knowing you can't do much of anything, is even more painful.  I felt so helpless last night.  I wanted to be a friend and save his life, but I didn't know how. 

The ambulance arrived within 15 minutes of his heart attack, but it was too late.  He was 28 years old and his life was cut short.  Once again, another wonderful man was taken from this Earth.  He leaves behind a wife and two children, one of whom will barely remember his father.

My heart aches.  Every time I close my eyes, I'm reminded of what I witnessed.

For the first time in my life, I feel like I failed as a friend.  And all I can do is say to myself, I should have done something to save his life.

"Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend...

...had I known how to save a life"