"I believe you're a good person with good intentions ... but our friendship is just bad for me."
There's no good, easy way to break up with someone. It's going to be painful and you're going to feel like you made the wrong decision. But you have to rip off the band-aid. Quick, and with one pull.
(TWSS? No?)
After nearly two years of turmoil with my best friend, I knew we were headed down an ugly path. After spending countless conversations trying to fight for our friendship and fix us, I soon realized that my efforts were going unnoticed. It hurts when you pour everything you have into a friendship, day after day, knowing that in the end, that person was just taking you for granted.
I believe she was a good person - and still is - but our friendship was just bad for me. I realize that we have just grown apart over the last several months. We are both at different stages of our lives right now, and we don't see eye-to-eye on much of anything anymore. She's not a bad person, she's just a bad friend.
"I thought I knew what it meant to be a 'best friend' and to have a 'best friend,' but lately I have realized that the label isn't something you throw around lightly. It's a title that deserves to be earned. And as long as it takes someone to earn that title, it's easy for it to be taken away from them too."
I hate labels and being defined by something or someone. People in our lives - friends, family, significant others - should compliment us, not define us. When I realized that my 'best friend' wasn't being a best friend (or any friend), I knew I had to cut the cord. I spent too much of my time in therapy trying to find a way to fix the friendship, rather than finding ways to fix other areas of my life. I was making myself more unhappy, knowing that I was holding on to a one-sided friendship.
The act was easy. The decision was more difficult. Because this wasn't someone who had just come into my life and steered me wrong once. This was a person whom I had built a 15-year friendship with. Someone who had stuck by my side through the worst times in my life, who believed in me when I stopped believing in myself. It's not easy to let go of a 15-year friendship in a simple email. As I typed each and every word, memories flashed through my mind.
"I wish you all the best with everything. I hope you continue to fight for your dreams and the things that matter most to you. And I hope someday you will find your own happiness."
I feel relieved. Almost like I'm finally free and breathing fresh air for the first time in years. And her reaction was exactly what I predicted. A reply email telling me that she will give me what I want and not fight for our friendship. That's when I knew I had made the right decision. A small part of me wanted her to fight for the friendship because I wanted to believe that it was just as important to her, as it had been to me. But when she said she won't fight for our friendship, I realized that we were, in fact, done. I made the right decision and I have no regrets. All I ever wanted was to feel like our friendship was something to fight for; I wanted to feel like she believed in me, in us. But now I know.
Not all friendships are worth fighting for.
