I think I have carpal tunnel syndrome. and I need more clean underwear.

So, I'm doing this thing called the Joy Equation, and even though I'm only on Day Six, I already kind of hate it.  (sorry Molly!) 

I have to write every day, for thirty frickin' days.  You know what I say to that?

STAB!

I'm lucky if I remember to wear clean underwear for thirty days.

Just kidding.

Kind of.

I think one reason why I question this Joy Equation thing is because I'm doing these journal prompts and listening to these audio clips and I still don't see any results.

Confession:  I'm the type of person who needs instant gratification.

There, I said it.

If I go wrist deep* into a vagina project, I need to know what the result is going to be.  I need to know that my hard work pays off right after I am done.  But with the Joy Equation, it's a waiting game.  I write these journal prompts and when I'm finished, I'm all, what the frick?!  I just wrote for thirty-frickin'-minutes and I don't feel any differently.  The only thing I do get from these journal prompts is carpal tunnel syndrome** and I definitely did NOT ask for that.  I'm trying to be patient and I'm trying to keep an open vagina mind as I am working through these journal prompts, but I get anxious when I don't see an end result.

Patience is a virtue.

I know change doesn't happen over night.  And I don't expect to be completely happy and joyous after I complete this project.  I know that a lot of my happiness comes from within and I need to figure out how to find that.  But sometimes I want to scream.  Like when I don't have clean underwear.  Or when I don't get an instant fix from my daily journal prompt. 

I just want to know I'm on the right track.




* have you read my wrist-deep sex story?  You're welcome.
** when I was little, my brothers told me it was "car-pool tunnel syndrome," and I thought it was a disease you got when you car-pooled with someone through a tunnel.