"funny the way it is, when you think about it..."

 

(via)

"I now realize that she's no longer my best friend..."

Those words escaped my mouth as I was sitting at my kitchen table, having dinner with one of my girl friends.  We talked boys, jobs, money, and friends, yet the subject of friendships held a more sustainable conversation.  

As we get older, we discover the importance of things like finances, relationships, careers and friendships.  We learn that we have to allow others to grow up and just hope that there will still be some kind of bond that ties us together after all those years.

I reconnected with my childhood best friend through Facebook about two weeks ago.  We spent nearly every weekend going to the pool or hanging out together growing up.  When she moved away, I knew our friendship wouldn't be the same.  Over those years, we've both graduated from different high schools, graduated from different colleges, moved to different cities and got married (her, not me).  Even now, knowing she only lives one hour away from me, our friendship still will never be the same. 

One reason I'm in therapy is to find a way to fix my friendship with my [now] best friend.  Whether that means rebuilding, restructuring, or ending it, is for me to decide, but I knew that if our dynamic continued the way it did, it would have led to a drastic and painful ending.

As my friend continued to rant about some of the issues she was having with her best friend, I knew exactly how she felt.  She doesn't listen to what I have to say.  She doesn't seem to take much of an interest in my life.  She always wants something to revolve around her.  

It was then that I realize that my best friend isn't my best friend anymore. Not because I don't want her to be my best friend, but because of the mere fact that both of us are growing up and growing apart. 

"Distance makes the heart grow fonder."

Whoever said that needs to be shot in the head.

Just kidding.  Kind of.

Long distance friendships are hard to maintain.  When I look at my friendships now, most of them are with friends who are in my city.  It was easy when my best friend lived 300 miles away, but we were still in the same state.  Now that she's moved to Flo-rida, it's much more difficult to schedule weekends, birthdays and holidays together.  At the same time though, friendships are a two-way street.  You have to put in, just as much as you're getting back.   

Perhaps part of our problem is that we hold too high of an expectation of each other.  Or maybe it really is the distance.  Or the fact that we are at completely different stages in our lives right now.  Whatever it is though, has caused me to cut the umbilical cord remove my emotional tie from her.  At first, when my therapist recommended this I thought she was nuts.  How am I supposed to remove my emotional tie from someone I've known for 14 years and confide in?  But for the last month I've been so consumed with other things, other responsibilities and other friends, that I discovered I'm at a much happier place now in our friendship, than I was when we were best friends. 

"funny the way it is, when you think about it..."

- Dave Matthews Band -