putting a ring on it...too soon

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How soon is too soon to get engaged? 

A friend of mine proposed to his wife six weeks after dating her.  They were engaged for two years and have been married for 9.  The first time he told me that story, I was shocked.  Call me old fashioned, but I believe in savoring a relationship, and living with your partner before even considering getting engaged.  Because you don't really know someone until you live together.  I dated my college boyfriend for three years, we spent one summer living together and at the end of that summer I broke it off because we weren't compatible. 

I know for some people it works.  You get caught up in the thrill of the relationship and you rush into everything.  But even my friends who are now divorced say that they wouldn't rush into a relationship or an engagement.

A friend sent me a text this morning asking if I had heard the good news.  Considering this was someone I hadn't talked to in a while, and someone I don't really talk to often, I was surprised when I received a message.  

"She proposed and he said yes!"  

My ex-best friend met this guy on Match.com in July in Florida.  They went out on one date, hooked up that night, and the next morning he left for Texas, where he was stationed (he's in the Army).  They haven't seen each other since that night, although they talked via text message and phone frequently.  I knew she was going out to see him soon, and I had also known (through word of mouth) that she had applied for a marriage license in the State of Texas.  So it wasn't a big shock when this mutual friend of ours told me she had proposed to the guy and is now engaged.  

I suppose what I can't wrap my head around is the fact that she completely rushed into this relationship.  How do you know you've found "the one" after just one night of being with someone?  I don't get it, and maybe I'm not supposed to, but I have always wanted to believe that my ex-best friend was an intelligent person and made decisions that would better her life.  I can't support this decision, and I can't help but feel like they are headed for divorce.  I just hope they have what it takes to beat the odds.

asking permission, the guy who's falling madly in love with me, cheesy wedding songs and just letting things happen

"It would be great for my parents to meet their future daughter-in-law."

No, I'm not engaged.

(just wanted to clear the air) 


It seems like everyone is talking marriage/weddings lately.  And no, I don't say that just because she recently got engaged (who, by the way, I am so happy for!), but because a good handful of my friends have "wedding/marriage" on their minds.

My best friend is talking weddings and marriage in 2010 and she isn't even engaged yet.  Another friend of mine is getting married in June 2010.  And another friend of mine is getting married in August 2010. 

And you can bet I'm buying one dress and wearing it to all three weddings.

So, I have a huge fear of getting married after 30.  I don't know why, I just do.  Maybe because a lot of my friends are married and living their "happily ever after."  Or maybe because everyone says: "it's all down hill after 30" and I'd like to at least be engaged before it all goes down hill.  Or maybe because I'm afraid if I don't get my "happily ever after" by the time I'm 30, I'll never get it.

Yesterday I had a conversation with the guy that is falling madly in love with me (true story).  I commented on how it's supposed to snow over Thanksgiving break back home.  And I may or may not have said something like: "I knew I should have gone to Florida with you."  

His reply?

"It would be great for my parents to meet their future daughter-in-law."

So about two or three months ago I had a conversation with the guy that is falling in love with me (I need a better nickname for him).  He told me he was moving to Florida in March for his job and I jokingly said something to the effect of:

"I expect an engagement ring before you leave."

I was joking!


After I said that, I immediately kicked myself and then told him I was kidding.  We haven't discussed engagement rings, marriage, weddings or the like since then.

Actually, that's a lie.  We drove down Walnut Street about a month ago and passed Tiffany's.  He made some comment about it (can't remember what) and I think I said something back (again, can't remember what).  I may have been drunk at the time.  Or I may have been not listening.

Sometimes I block people out when they talk to me.  Don't judge me.

Anyway.  We were in Tampa for a hockey tournament about a month and a half ago and we were discussing holiday plans.  He told me he was going home to Florida for Thanksgiving but that he was staying in Virginia for Christmas.  So because I feel that no one should ever have to spend Christmas alone, I invited him back to Pittsburgh to spend it with my family.  Sounds innocent enough, right?

Wrong.

A man who has plans of getting married to the girl and is going to Pittsburgh to meet the girl's family can only mean one thing.


The quest to ask for permission.

Excuse me while I go have an anxiety attack.

It's been like three months since I've been "seeing" this guy who is falling madly in love with me and I can't figure him out.  A good chunk of the time I want to ring his neck.  But then he has those shining moments when I think I genuinely like him and it cancels out those bad thoughts.

Every other relationship I've had, I've jumped right into it.  Mainly because I was drunk I didn't really know any better, but also because that relationship immediately had a spark.  This one?  Well, I'm still trying to find that spark.  I don't want to give up just yet, but I also don't want to feel like I'm wasting my time with him.  Or vice versa.


You know that saying: nice guys finish last?  Yeah, I'm starting to figure out why they finish last.  I'm so used to dating crappy guys that I don't really know what it's like to date a nice, good, quality guy.  All of my friends who have met this guy tell me they like him.  They tell me he really is good for me.  So why is it so hard for me to see that?

Hindsight's only 20/20.

I know I need to give him an honest chance, but it's hard to break away from my norm (or what I consider my "norm" over the last four years). 

I always had that fantasy of what "meeting the family" and "living together" and "getting married" would be like.  I realize I'm not getting any younger.  I don't want to rush into anything, but I also realize that sometimes life doesn't always turn out the way you planned. 

Sometimes you just have to go with the flow and let things happen on their own.

So... don't be surprised if you receive a wedding invitation from me this spring.

PS.  If/When I get married, I'm totally making this my wedding song.  Or this.