"this is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time."

{via}

When I graduated college, the decision to move to Philadelphia was easy.  I was done with school and I had a job waiting for me.  My fear of living in a big city and not knowing anyone disappeared because I was anxious to start that next chapter of my life.  

You'll never leave where you are, until you decide where you'd rather be.

When I moved to Philadelphia, it was supposed to be temporary.  One year, max.  I wanted to gain professional experience in a big city, so that I could move onto better things.  And since I had already spent a summer living in Philadelphia prior to moving here, it was easy to make that decision.  The first year was the hardest, and I realize that Philadelphians aren't typically warm and friendly to outsiders.  But over the last five years, I've done well for myself.  I gained some invaluable professional experience in the Corporate and Nonprofit world, I discovered my passion for helping others and making a difference, I found some amazing girl friends who would go above and beyond for me, and I'm a part of a great ball hockey community.  The things I've done, the people I've met, and the experiences I've created here are priceless.  But the problem is, it's not enough.  These are the reasons keeping me in Philadelphia.  The friendships, the jobs, the comfortable lifestyle of living in a big city.  A big part of me is settling for this kind of life, when deep down, I know that I want more.  I want more experiences - bigger experiences, more adventure, more thrills, more failures, more of not knowing and I'm not going to continue getting that by staying here.

 

When one door closes, another one opens.

The first rule in Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy is not to panic.  When I found out my law firm is dissolving, I panicked.  What do I do now?  How will I afford to pay rent?  How will I survive?  I spent close to two weeks shutting myself from the outside world.  I stopped talking to friends, I stopped playing hockey, I stopped doing all of the things I was so used to doing because I was terrified and upset.  I still am terrified and upset.  Losing a job is a devastating thing, and most Gen-Y'ers aren't prepared, emotionally and financially, when it happens. 

I had everything planned out - re-brand my nonprofit organization, start graduate school, and make 2011 the best year yet.  And then this happens and suddenly I feel like I have no motivation to even get out of bed each day.

But then I realized that losing my job isn't the worst thing in the world.  Sure, it sucks, but I've already been through other monumental, devastating life events that I can certainly handle losing my job.  It's about making the most of what you have, regardless of how bad it is and how much it hurts.

Everything happens for a reason.

I've been so caught up over losing my job, that I forgot about what happens next.  Traveling.  Adventures.  New opportunities.  Challenges.  The unknown.  It wasn't the right time to move to Chicago or California when I had made those decisions a few years ago.  It wasn't smart to just quit a job and lose all my benefits, just so I could find out what else is out there.  But now?  Now this is my chance.  To travel.  To seek new opportunities.  To face new challenges.  To do the things that people don't think I'm capable of.

This is it.

I applied for a Teach English in a Foreign Country (TEFC) Certification program.  It's a rigorous four weeks of classes (and live teaching) taught by certified professors who teach you the skills to teach English.  Upon acceptance (into the program) and completion (of the certification), I will have the education, experience, and certification that allows me to teach English abroad in any country.  For as long as I want.  I could start as early as mid-January, and I could study in Prague, Barcelona, or London.  Studying in Europe, teaching English, traveling the world, and getting paid to do it all.  How can I pass this up now?  

I'll know my acceptance into the program sometime next week.  When I get accepted, I'll start my program in late-February/early March in either London or Prague.  And after that, the rest is history.  Now that I have nothing holding me back here, all that awaits are new challenges, new dreams, and new beginnings.  

Maybe 2011 will still be my best year yet, after all.

"There are moments in your life that make you and set the course of who you're going to be.  Sometimes they're little, subtle moments.  Sometimes they're big moments you never saw coming.  NO one asks for their life to change, but it does.  It's what you do afterwards that counts.  That's when you find out who you really are."

- Whistler -

* title of the post is from Fight Club.  Only one of my most favorite movies ever.

on measuring success, survival of the fittest, choices, and never giving up

How do you measure success?

Ask me five years ago and I never thought I would be an entrepreneur.

Ask me ten years ago, and I never thought I would be standing on my own two feet, alone, independent and financially responsible for the rest of my life.

So much has changed, yet so much has stayed the same.  I'm growing, learning, doing and living in a world that is constantly changing.  I'm forced to adapt to these changes.  I didn't want this.  I wanted something bigger, better and brighter.  No one tells you how difficult life actually is.  Professors only teach you what they think you need to know.  Parents hide you from the truth because they want you to live a happy, successful life.  But sooner or later, you come across a life-changing event - one that flips your world upside down and rattles your core - and it's not about how that event affects you, but how you react to it. 

Survival of the fittest.  

That's what my Anthropology professors taught me in college.  Bones, fossils, evolution and survival of the fittest.  Because when you think about it, life is made up of events, situations, moments and feelings, and when you experience something that changes your life and rattles your core, you need to figure out how to survive.

I had a choice - sink or swim.  I chose to swim - blindly, without goggles and without a coach.  No shoveled path, no guidance, no hand-holding; just dive in, experience every single moment, and hope for the best.  For the first time in my life, I became the teacher.  I taught myself how to swim (figuratively), and more importantly, survive in a world that's always changing.  I taught myself how to find passion in something, work harder at what I want, and smile when I just want to cry.  I taught myself how to find the endurance, strength and integrity to continue running a business that [most days] is failing.  I taught myself how to love deeper, laugh harder, smile more, and stand on my own two feet. 

The moment you let it all get you is the moment you begin sinking. 

I've had more bad moments than good.  I guess it comes with the package.  I have days when I want to let go, give in, and call it quits.  But then I realize that by doing so, I abandon so many things.  I abandon everything I have worked so hard for, for the last ten years of my life.  I abandon so many people who have helped me get to where I am today.

It's not about giving up, it's about pushing through (TWSS) those rough moments and bad days, knowing better, brighter days lie ahead.  It's about realizing how far you've come [in such a short amount of time] and using that as motivation to push you forward to the next day, the next week, the next month.  It's about being happy where are you - right this moment - and savoring it, because you may never feel that same way again.  But most importantly, it's about loving, laughing, and smiling because sometimes it's those little moments that help get us through a really, really bad day.

"Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life... but the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed."

- Booker T. Washington -

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