another one bites the dust

 {via}

"You can't have friends until you learn how to be one."

I never truly understood the meaning of friendship until I made the courageous decision to let go of a 15 year friendship with my [ex] best friend.  After spending two years fighting like hell to keep our friendship together, I realized that some things just aren't meant to last forever.  It was a cruel lesson to learn and a scary decision to execute, but letting go of that friendship was one of the best things I have done for myself because I am much happier without her in my life. 

Since my time in the City of Brotherly Love, I've been blessed with some incredible friendships, but I've also been burned by some outrageous friendships.  As my two months come to a close though, I'm really trying to invest as much as I can into those friendships that I want to make work. 

A close girl friend recently got engaged.  She's the longest girl friend I've had since living in this city, and while our friendship was built around hockey, I know it doesn't define the friendship.  I know we're better than that, but it's tough being the only one putting effort into this friendship.  Suddenly, I feel like I did four months ago - desperately fighting to keep another friendship together.  It's painful and draining to have to work this hard at friendships.  This is why 90% of my friendships are with men - they're just easier to maintain a friendship with.

I'm incredibly happy for my friend - really, I am - but I'm starting to realize that, once again, I'm standing on the edge of this cliff and I either have to let go and jump off, or continue holding on.  I don't know how much longer I can continue holding on.  Because as much as I want our friendship to endure well after I leave the country, realistically, I know it won't.  I don't know if I'm ready to let go of it just yet though.

It's sad when someone you know becomes someone you knew.