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We're so quick to judge others, yet we're slow to react to our own decisions. It's so easy to look at the negatives, the failures, and the mistakes, yet we blind ourselves from seeing our triumphs, accomplishments, and positive changes. We cripple ourselves from being who we want to be and from accomplishing monumental, life-changing, gutsy dreams.
I'm not typically a big risk-taker. I don't usually act without putting much careful thought into my decisions. I spent a big part of my life as a pessimist because I was so used to devastating things happening to me. Losing my father. Losing my mother. Getting cancer. Nearly losing my oldest brother to a brain tumor. Losing my job. Negativity and devastation just feels normal to me now.
I'm having a hard time knocking negativity and thoughts of failing to the wayside as I prepare for Praha. I can't stop thinking about the things I'm sacrificing and the people I'm leaving behind. I'm drowning in these thoughts and it's crippling me from reveling in the excitement and joy that lies ahead.
Whether I'm ready or not, this move is going to change my life. Being pushed into new cultures, a new language, and new experiences. Being lost in a city with so much history. Being emotionally stable as I travel independently for six months. This isn't make-believe, people, this is real life. Big, bold, courageous and gutsy. And I'm completely and utterly terrified.
Two months from Monday, I board a plane heading to London, England. Two months from Tuesday, I arrive in Prague. It all finally hit me. As I started packing up my bedroom today. As I talked to my friend who will sublet my bedroom yesterday. As I crossed things off my to-do list over the last two weeks. I'm getting closer and closer to living life on my own terms and I'm feeling excited, overwhelmed, joyous, sad, and terrified.
I want to kick this negativity right in the ass. I want to stop harboring these feelings of failure and sadness. I want to stop thinking about what I'm losing, sacrificing, and giving up, and start thinking about the things I'm about to gain. A life-changing experience. A new career path. New friends. New cultures. A new city to call 'home.'
These next two months really matter and I need to make them count. With a new experience comes a new perspective. Here we go. Eyes open, arms out, heart ready. It's time to smile. To celebrate. To embrace. To hug. To laugh. It's time to be balls-to-the-wall gutsy, determined and devoted.
This is it.
