Friday Bullets

• This week I accepted a writing gig with Examiner.com as their Philadelphia Cancer Examiner.  My first article has been posted (check it out here) and so far, I've made $.56!  I know you are probably laughing at that, but hey, we are in a recession and it is $.56 I didn't have before!  Every penny helps, right?  So now that I am working a total of 4 (yes 4!) jobs, it leaves very little time for a social life.  I haven't drank in weeks (minus the happy hour I went to this week - I only had two beers).  Most nights I'd rather stay in and catch up on work or watch tv (or even sleep!) rather than hit the bars.  I think a lot of that has to do with the cold weather though.  I become a hermit during the winter months.
  
  
• My roommate confirmed this week that she has bed bugs in her room.  Awesome.  So we have an exterminator coming next week and it means I have to clear everything out of my room.  I guess that's a good thing since my room is kind of messy, but it's a huge inconvenience to have to clear everything out of my room and then put it all back.  But at least we don't have to pay for the exterminator (the joy of renting!)
  
  
• My presentation at Penn State this week went well.  I am hoping this turns into more speaking engagements at colleges and universities.  Even though the drive up to State College sucked, I'm glad I did it.  I was nervous as hell and I hate public speaking, but I hope this turns into something good for my non-profit(s).
  
  
• I've been watching old seasons of The Hills like it's my j-o-b.  Feel free to judge me.  Watching that show makes me wish I lived in L.A.  But then I think about my trip out to L.A. last fall and I realize that I wouldn't ever want to live there.  Too crazy of a city and too many tourists.  It also makes me wish I had more girl friends to hang out with, but then I see all of the drama that goes on in that show and I realize that's exactly why I don't get along with girls.  But it must be nice to wear flip flops and tank tops in January.
  
  
• I just realized that this weekend is my last free weekend until February.  Next weekend my non-profit is doing a bar crawl, then it's Christmas, then it's New Year's and then my non-profit has an event every weekend in January.  So my plan this weekend is to get a pedicure, get my holiday shopping done and mentally relax!  As much as I love being so busy, sometimes it's just overwhelming.
  
  

on how far I've come

“the past has left its stain
now I feel the shame
I’ll seize the day
if you take away
the chains of yesterday”

This time last year I:

• moved into an apartment and living with two girls.  One turned out to be bi-polar.  The other turned out to be a hott mess.
• was getting over a bad breakup and forcing myself to “see the light” (so to speak).
• was at a job I enjoyed, but hated the commute.
• was going through a quarter-life crisis, mostly with my job/career.
• had my car broken into for the first time … and had my foot peed on by a homeless man for the first time.
• was praying for my brother to survive his brain surgery.
• was trying to finding my inner strength.
• broke my silence.

2008 was not a good year for me.  I battled depression and fought from spiraling downhill, usually by drowning my problems with alcohol which is the worst thing anyone could ever do.  I was unhappy with how my life was turning out and I felt like I was hitting rock bottom.
Things changed when the New Year hit and I suddenly found my life slowly turning around for the better.

• I traveled to Vegas for the first time ever with a friend and despite getting propositioned for a threesome and mistaken for a prostitute, it was the best vacation I’ve had to-date.
• I found a new job that is challenging me more and more.  It’s not the most glamorous job in the world, but it pays significantly well and it tests my abilities with each case I work on.  October officially marks my one-year anniversary working at the firm.
• I recently moved into a house that I absolutely love.  I love being home too much sometimes and having a quiet place to come home to when I’ve had a rather stressful day.
• I’m starting to make my mark on the world.  I picked up a third [unpaid] job over the summer – opening up the PA Chapter of the NCCC and raising awareness for cervical cancer.  My efforts are slowly being seen and heard.  I wrote a letter to a woman who was dying of advanced cervical cancer and that letter was read at her funeral last week.
• I bounced back from my bad break-up and I’m actually happy with my social life right now.  I’m okay with not being with someone just to be with them.  I’m okay with not feeling “tied down.”  I’m okay with going out and coming home alone.  My thirties are for relationships and settling down.  I want to live out my twenties and have as much fun as I possibly can.  I don’t want to settle for something.  Ever.
• My brother is still suffering from his brain tumor, but I am praying every day that things get better.  He’s on anti-tumor pills and if those don’t work, then he’ll need a second surgery.  Again, praying that doesn’t happen, but also realizing that if it does, I need to be on the first flight out to Madison or Houston.
• I’ve let go of some old friendships – realizing that I was just a convenience to those people.  I couldn’t be happier about those decisions though because I’ve picked up some new friendships that have truly out-shined those old ones.

It’s taken me a long while to come this far, but I have to say, I’ve never been happier.  Sure, I have bad days and weak moments but so does everyone else.  But you have to take those bad days and weak moments and not let them destroy who you are or how far you’ve come in life.  You have to keep shining, keep smiling and keep working.  Friends aren’t going to be there for you every time, family isn’t going to love you every second of the day, and bosses aren’t going to love your work product as much as you want – but you have to realize that those flaws, those imperfections and those mistakes are what make you, you. Our experiences – good or bad, right or wrong – define who we are.  And life is too short to be anything but happy…