on how far I've come

“the past has left its stain
now I feel the shame
I’ll seize the day
if you take away
the chains of yesterday”

This time last year I:

• moved into an apartment and living with two girls.  One turned out to be bi-polar.  The other turned out to be a hott mess.
• was getting over a bad breakup and forcing myself to “see the light” (so to speak).
• was at a job I enjoyed, but hated the commute.
• was going through a quarter-life crisis, mostly with my job/career.
• had my car broken into for the first time … and had my foot peed on by a homeless man for the first time.
• was praying for my brother to survive his brain surgery.
• was trying to finding my inner strength.
• broke my silence.

2008 was not a good year for me.  I battled depression and fought from spiraling downhill, usually by drowning my problems with alcohol which is the worst thing anyone could ever do.  I was unhappy with how my life was turning out and I felt like I was hitting rock bottom.
Things changed when the New Year hit and I suddenly found my life slowly turning around for the better.

• I traveled to Vegas for the first time ever with a friend and despite getting propositioned for a threesome and mistaken for a prostitute, it was the best vacation I’ve had to-date.
• I found a new job that is challenging me more and more.  It’s not the most glamorous job in the world, but it pays significantly well and it tests my abilities with each case I work on.  October officially marks my one-year anniversary working at the firm.
• I recently moved into a house that I absolutely love.  I love being home too much sometimes and having a quiet place to come home to when I’ve had a rather stressful day.
• I’m starting to make my mark on the world.  I picked up a third [unpaid] job over the summer – opening up the PA Chapter of the NCCC and raising awareness for cervical cancer.  My efforts are slowly being seen and heard.  I wrote a letter to a woman who was dying of advanced cervical cancer and that letter was read at her funeral last week.
• I bounced back from my bad break-up and I’m actually happy with my social life right now.  I’m okay with not being with someone just to be with them.  I’m okay with not feeling “tied down.”  I’m okay with going out and coming home alone.  My thirties are for relationships and settling down.  I want to live out my twenties and have as much fun as I possibly can.  I don’t want to settle for something.  Ever.
• My brother is still suffering from his brain tumor, but I am praying every day that things get better.  He’s on anti-tumor pills and if those don’t work, then he’ll need a second surgery.  Again, praying that doesn’t happen, but also realizing that if it does, I need to be on the first flight out to Madison or Houston.
• I’ve let go of some old friendships – realizing that I was just a convenience to those people.  I couldn’t be happier about those decisions though because I’ve picked up some new friendships that have truly out-shined those old ones.

It’s taken me a long while to come this far, but I have to say, I’ve never been happier.  Sure, I have bad days and weak moments but so does everyone else.  But you have to take those bad days and weak moments and not let them destroy who you are or how far you’ve come in life.  You have to keep shining, keep smiling and keep working.  Friends aren’t going to be there for you every time, family isn’t going to love you every second of the day, and bosses aren’t going to love your work product as much as you want – but you have to realize that those flaws, those imperfections and those mistakes are what make you, you. Our experiences – good or bad, right or wrong – define who we are.  And life is too short to be anything but happy…