on leading a double life

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A friend of mine joined Twitter the other day.  This, just days after he told me in a previous conversation that he doesn't understand Twitter or the sense of tweeting.  I tried explaining it to him, but I don't think he understood it very well.

"I didn't know you were on Twitter," he said.

"I am.  But don't follow me, because then you'll discover my other life."

"What 'other life?'"

"My blog life."

Confession: Sometimes I feel like I lead two lives - a real entrepreneur-by-day, hockey-player-by-night life and a blog life.  Except I didn't realize this until tonight, when I said it to my friend. 

Not very many of my real-life, non-blog friends know about this blog (for good reason).  None of them know that I'm a part of a blogging community and have met some of my [now] closest friends through it.  None of them know about the intimate details that I reveal on this blog.  It's amazing what we will reveal on the internet (via blogs), but we won't tell our real life, non-blogger friends. It's even more amazing at the number of bloggers who have formed real life friendships with other bloggers.  In fact, even most of my Twitter followers are bloggers.  

I got nervous when my friend said he would follow me on Twitter.  And then I [kind of] jokingly said that I would follow him back and tag him in every tweet, as my defense mechanism to get him to not follow me.  I feel like I'm living a double-life because my real life friends just don't understand blogging, blogger meet-ups, or friendships based around blogging.  It makes it very challenging to have a conversation about something I read on a blog when that person has no idea what a blog is. 

While I may not reveal my identity on this, I do reveal intimate thoughts based around my life events.  And sometimes I blog about my real life friends or conversations that spark blog fodder (such as this).   I reveal pieces of my intimate life that I wouldn't necessarily share with my real life friends because it's so much easier to feel less vulnerable when you sit behind a computer screen and type your words, than having to say it to someone face-to-face.  I've come to learn that not every one of my real life friends have the capacity to hold intellectual, stimulating conversations that I often crave.

Today, I announced (via Twitter and FB) that I am one of six Stratejoy Season 4 Bloggers (YAY!!!).  That means I get to spend the next six months blogging about my past, present and future, my Quarterlife crisis, and my journey to discovering authentic happiness.  It means being incredibly honest and open with the Stratejoy Tribe (and the internet) about my life - the challenges I face, the adventures I'm about to take, the bouts of depression I've conquered, the details of my broken and damaged past.  I'm incredibly excited for this opportunity, and to get to know my other Season 4 sisters, but I'm also nervous because once I put it out there, I can't take it back. 

I plan on sharing my Stratejoy adventures with my real life friends, in the hopes that they'll understand what blogging is, why I do it, and how it's become a big part of my every day life.  Because it's my outlet.  After a long day, I blog.  When I'm feeling creative, I blog.  When I want to talk about something, I blog.  I do it because I love it.  

Do what you love and forget the rest.

growth and passion

{{ This post is part of #reverb10, an annual event and month-long online initiative to reflect on this year and manifest what's next for 2011.

Today's prompt: One word.  Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word.  Explain why you're choosing that word.  Now, imagine it's one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? }}

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2010 has been a pivotal year for me.  Letting go of toxic friendships.  Investing more in healthier friendships.  Committing to therapy.  Getting back in the dating game.  Discovering my passion to make a difference in this world.  Learning what it means to live life on my own terms.  

How do I describe this year in one word?  GROWTH.

I was one of those people who thought I had all the answers.  I thought I could fix anything, do anything, and work through pain on my own.  But then I found myself sitting on my bathroom floor at 2AM on a Tuesday night in March, sobbing uncontrollably.  I knew why I was crying, but I didn't want to admit it.  Because when you admit something and put it out there, it becomes real.  Seven years of not grieving properly for my mother, and fifteen years of not grieving properly for my father, had finally caught up to me.  I knew it was time to seek professional help.  I knew it was finally time to work through my pain and grieve for my parents.  It takes courage to see a therapist, and I truly admire any person who has sought professional help.

It's been eight months of therapy and I didn't think I would get here.  To a point in my life where my heart doesn't constantly ache over losing my parents.  To accept the fact that, yes, this is my life, and be okay with it.  I still have bad days and bad moments.  My heart still aches, but the pain has subsided a bit.  I still miss them, and will always miss them. I've grown tremendously over this last year through acknowledgment and acceptance and it feels wonderful.


This time, next year...

I want to be passionate.  About my career.  About graduate school.  About my friendships.  About my life.  I want my passion to resonate in those around me and inspire others to make a change, conquer a fear, and live passionately.   

How would you encapsulate your year in one word?  And how do you hope to describe your 2011?

Blo Mo.

Well, I did it!  I officially survived and finished NaBloPoMo.  What did I learn from this experience? 

• Blogging every day sucks.  Especially when I have nothing "important" or "creative" to write about.
• Blogging on the weekends is even worse.  My weekends are spent away from my blog and [most of the time] away from computers.  Having to put a reminder into my crackberry to blog on Saturdays and Sundays officially marks my nerdom status.
• Thinking of topics to blog about hurts my brain.
• I'm never doing NaBloPoMo again.  Ever.
• Nor will I be participating in NaNoWriMo.  Or whatever the hell it's called.
• Blogging for 30 days straight makes me not want to blog ever for a good week or two.
• The month of November is the longest. month. ever.  But I only think that because I had to blog every day.
  

I'm glad I conformed to society's norms participated, but you can bet I won't be blogging for a little while.  Perhaps now I can focus more on perfecting my blow job skills work-related stuff and less on "ohmygawdIforgottoblog!"

P.S. I'm still waiting for my date to Checkers.  And I expect a good cuddle session afterwards.  You know who you are...