a broken heart never completely heals

(via)

"Just gonna stand there and watch me burn

Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts" 

It feels like a thousand sharp knives stabbing every inch of your body.  It hurts to breathe, to speak, to blink.  It hurts to think about it, but it's all you can think about.  You wonder how someone you loved so much could ever have the ability to hurt you so badly.  You close your eyes and you see your future - with that person - shattered to pieces.  Everything you once believed in now makes no sense.  You wonder what's worth living for any more. 

As the weeks pass by, the pain slowly subsides.  Tears stop streaming down your face.  You begin to feel things other than heartache.  You begin to realize that you do have a future beyond that person.  You realize that your life was good before them, and it will be good again now that they're gone.  So you peel yourself off your couch and you cleanse yourself of any memories of that person.  It's all too painful, you think to yourself.

"You ever love somebody so much, you could barely breathe when you with 'em?"

  

The first year is always the hardest.  The loneliness becomes palpable.  You wonder if you'll ever find happiness.  You wonder if you'll ever fall in love again.  You wonder if you'll ever know what it's like to feel something for someone again.  

As time goes by, the wounds begin to heal.  You cover up the loneliness and the unhappiness with something else, just as you would cover up a blemish.  But just because you cover it up, doesn't mean that it still doesn't hurt.  And like an open wound, when it heals it leaves a scar.  A broken heart never completely heals;  Something is always left behind - memories, pictures, gifts - that becomes the scar.

Eventually, you get your life back together.  This time, it's all about me! you say to yourself.  You pick up the broken pieces and figure out how to put it all back together.  Because this time it's about new beginnings, feeling happy, and finding someone to fall in love with... again.

You force yourself to cope with the break up and get yourself back out there.  You date a few people, but in the back of your head, you know they don't stack up.  That spark just isn't there.  You start to wonder if you'll ever feel that passion you once felt.  

And as the years pass by, when you finally get your life together and begin to feel happy and feel like you can finally believe in something, it all comes crashing down on you.  That wall you built up so strong, crumbles instantly.  Those feelings you locked up, break out.  Someone who was once your best friend and lover, forces their way back into your life and all you can say is, why now?  

"Just gonna stand there and hear me cry

Well, that's alright because I love the way you lie"

"nothing in this life that's worth having, comes easy"

"You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly."

- Unknown-

I know perfection doesn't exist, but I still strive to be perfect or live up to someone's expectations every day.  While no person is indeed perfect, society expects us to live like we are.  We are not supposed to break the law or break hearts or have bad credit.

When we apply for college, we are supposed to excel on the SAT's and write a flawless essay to go with our application so we can get accepted by a Top 25 University.  When we graduate, we are supposed to have a 4.0.  When we apply for a loan, we are supposed to have flawless credit and have a history of on-time payments.  When we find someone we want to spend the rest of our lives with, we are supposed to love them unconditionally.  When we apply for a job, employers look at academic credentials more than life experiences.

We are supposed to live an extraordinary, flawless, impeccable, perfect life where everything comes easy and we don't make mistakes.

Colleges and Universities are making entrance admissions even harder to pass.  Lenders are making it even more difficult to qualify for any kind of loan.  Employers are tightening their minimum job requirements, making it even difficult for entry level or under-educated people to apply.  

Everything is getting harder to accept, to pass, or to qualify for, it seems like.  Even people who search for partners online through Match.com that immediately write off a person by the color of their skin, or the fact that they're overweight or they just don't have those attractive physical characteristics.  

Why is it so hard to become accepted in today's society, by any standard?  What happened to those days where it was easy to get a loan or get admitted into college or graduate school or find your soul mate on the internet?

Times have changed.  The economy is still struggling and people are still getting laid off left and right.  People are having a tougher time qualifying for anything or being accepted for something.  I get it.  But a mistake that was made several years ago - which turned into a lesson learned - that now prevents you from being accepted today, is more than disheartening. 

In a world where we're "all created equal," so many details set us apart. 

Social Media and Personal Branding: Friend or Foe?

I read an article about the release of Facebook in my school newspaper during my Sophomore year of college.  That was the time when Facebook was only available to college students, linking their account to their school e-mail address.  Of course I jumped on the bandwagon and signed up.  And of course, I had no idea what Facebook was, but I just knew I had to be in "the know." 

Now anyone can sign up for Facebook.  Even your pet.  Yes, that's right.  Some of my friends create a Facebook account for their pets.  I don't even want to get into that.

I'm a blogger for Brand-Yourself and a big fan of Social Media, Marketing and Personal Branding.  I believe, when used properly, social media can be one of the most valuable tools used for job hunting, promoting a business and networking, but way too many people are taking it for granted and jeopardizing themselves and their careers.

If you haven't noticed, I've never really revealed myself on my blog.  I don't really talk much about my day-job (which is separate from my freelance writing projects and my nonprofit), I don't post that much inappropriate content (with the exception of linking to an inappropriate - but highly humorous - dolphin video), and I've never posted a picture of me (aside from the picture on my About Me page, which only shows you my back side.  You're welcome).  My blog does however, have links to my Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIN pages, so if you really wanted to stalk get to know me, you could connect with me through those websites.  I do my best to keep my blog content as PG-rated as humanely possible.  I don't connect with my current co-workers on any of my networking sites (especially Facebook, since someone I know likes to constantly post inappropriate things on my wall) because I believe in keeping a personal life separate from my work-life.  Plus I fear that some things could come and bite me in the ass later on, if someone at work did find something out. 

When I worked in Human Resources about two years ago, I would do random internet searches (Oh Google, how I love thee...) on prospective candidates.  And yes, that meant searching for them on Facebook and LinkedIN.  Did I ever find inappropriate content on those sites?  Absolutely.  Did it give enough reason not to hire them?  Absolutely. 

Whether you want to admit it or not, thanks to sites like LinkedIN, Twitter and Facebook (and even our blogs!) we all now have our own personal brand. 

Whatever you are posting out on the internet gives prospective employers (and even current employers) the possibility of discovering it.  Published an article online?  They'll find it.  Got tagged in an inappropriate photo on Facebook?  They will find it. 

My rule of thumb?  If you don't want your parents/immediate family to look at it or read it, then don't post it for all of the world to see.  Sure, there are some exceptions, like Facebook, where you can block certain people from viewing your wall, but when it comes to looking for a job (or even risking losing one), you need to make sure what is being said by you or about you won't come back to bite you in the ass. 

Everything can be used as evidence now a days - even in a court of law.  Be careful what you're posting out there or you'll end up paying for it later down the road. 

What do you think - do you agree or disagree with me?  Do you think [some] people are being too inappropriate with their social media content?  How do you use your social media accounts - for business or pleasure or both?

(notice how I asked questions at the end?  Answer them, damnit! kthxbye.)

on loathing the homeownership process and a dolphin video

Remember when you were a little girl (or boy?  or sexually confused girl or boy?) and you imagined what your life would be like as an adult?  You would tell your friends you would marry Prince Charming and live in this gorgeous house with a white picket fence and sit on the porch swing sipping wine until the sun went down. 

Well, whoever stole my gorgeous 3-bedroom/2-bathroom house with a white picket fence needs to return it. 

Yes, ladies and gentlemen (and anyone in between), I'm crossing #34 off of my bucket list and buying a house.  Or a condo.  Or whatever the hell I can find that won't break my bank and won't involve massive renovations.  Or a big, fat, ugly tree in the back yard that I will constantly worry about when a thunderstorm rolls in.

Whoever said real estate shopping is fun, needs to be shot  slapped.  Sure, it's all fun and games for the first ten minutes, but then after a whole week of looking at listings and hours spent going from house to house (chauffeured by the worst best Greek realtor ever who buys you a $9 lunch at a tiny Vietnamese stand during your very first meeting) I want to gouge my eyes out.

Why is it so damn hard to find a nice house in the city?  Am I too picky?  Do I have that high of standards for my FIRST HOUSE EVER?  Or does Philadelphia real estate just suck major donkey balls?

Do you own or rent your current place?  If you own, how many houses did you look at before you found the one you bought? 

PS: Do you like dolphins?  Then watch this. (WARNING: NSFW)  Even if you don't like dolphins, you should still watch it.  You're welcome in advance.

"funny the way it is, when you think about it..."

 

(via)

"I now realize that she's no longer my best friend..."

Those words escaped my mouth as I was sitting at my kitchen table, having dinner with one of my girl friends.  We talked boys, jobs, money, and friends, yet the subject of friendships held a more sustainable conversation.  

As we get older, we discover the importance of things like finances, relationships, careers and friendships.  We learn that we have to allow others to grow up and just hope that there will still be some kind of bond that ties us together after all those years.

I reconnected with my childhood best friend through Facebook about two weeks ago.  We spent nearly every weekend going to the pool or hanging out together growing up.  When she moved away, I knew our friendship wouldn't be the same.  Over those years, we've both graduated from different high schools, graduated from different colleges, moved to different cities and got married (her, not me).  Even now, knowing she only lives one hour away from me, our friendship still will never be the same. 

One reason I'm in therapy is to find a way to fix my friendship with my [now] best friend.  Whether that means rebuilding, restructuring, or ending it, is for me to decide, but I knew that if our dynamic continued the way it did, it would have led to a drastic and painful ending.

As my friend continued to rant about some of the issues she was having with her best friend, I knew exactly how she felt.  She doesn't listen to what I have to say.  She doesn't seem to take much of an interest in my life.  She always wants something to revolve around her.  

It was then that I realize that my best friend isn't my best friend anymore. Not because I don't want her to be my best friend, but because of the mere fact that both of us are growing up and growing apart. 

"Distance makes the heart grow fonder."

Whoever said that needs to be shot in the head.

Just kidding.  Kind of.

Long distance friendships are hard to maintain.  When I look at my friendships now, most of them are with friends who are in my city.  It was easy when my best friend lived 300 miles away, but we were still in the same state.  Now that she's moved to Flo-rida, it's much more difficult to schedule weekends, birthdays and holidays together.  At the same time though, friendships are a two-way street.  You have to put in, just as much as you're getting back.   

Perhaps part of our problem is that we hold too high of an expectation of each other.  Or maybe it really is the distance.  Or the fact that we are at completely different stages in our lives right now.  Whatever it is though, has caused me to cut the umbilical cord remove my emotional tie from her.  At first, when my therapist recommended this I thought she was nuts.  How am I supposed to remove my emotional tie from someone I've known for 14 years and confide in?  But for the last month I've been so consumed with other things, other responsibilities and other friends, that I discovered I'm at a much happier place now in our friendship, than I was when we were best friends. 

"funny the way it is, when you think about it..."

- Dave Matthews Band -