another post where I quote Grey's Anatomy

We spend our whole lives worrying about the future, planning for the future, trying to predict the future, as if figuring it out will cushion the blow.  But the future is always changing.  The future is the home of our deepest fears and wildest hopes.  But one thing is certain when it finally reveals itself.  The future is never the way we imagined it.

This past weekend was the first time in a very long time when I truly lived in the moment.  It was the first time when I didn’t care what I was doing or who I was with – I just went with the flow of things (and friends) and just did it.  The only thing that mattered was that I was with good people having the time of my life.  One thing is for sure – City Chase was one of the best experiences (and memories) I have of Philadelphia now.
For the longest time I always worried about my future – where I would be, what I would be doing, who I would be sharing it with.  But this past weekend (in between all the craziness of City Chase), I learned that sometimes you have to stop thinking about your future and start living in the moment.

As every new relationship starts to blossom, we tend to get caught up in all of the butterflies and hand-holding and start thinking about the future.  Where is this going? is often the question our minds immediately jump to.  And so we start thinking about all of the possibilities that this new relationship could hold for us – dating turns into exclusivity which turns into moving in together which turns into buying a house together which turns into planning a wedding which turns into planning a future.  That is usually how it happens, right?

For the first time in a long time, I allowed myself to stop thinking about the future of my current relationship and just let it be whatever it is … or whatever it wants to be.  I spend so much time worrying about where the relationship is headed that I forget to take in all of the wonderful feelings of a blossoming relationship.  Does it have any kind of future?  Sure it does.  But I’m not going to rush into it.  I’m not going to let it consume me.  Because the moment I get consumed by it, is the moment it slips away.

We may not be as happy as you always dreamed we would be, but for the first time let’s just allow ourselves to be whatever it is we are and that will be better.

- Garden State -

happiness (for me) is...

…waking up before my alarm goes off and feeling surprisingly refreshed and awake.
…sitting outside in the warm weather with a new(ish) friend and getting to know each other over some cold beers.
…planning road trips to Baltimore, Chicago, and Boston all in the same summer.
…the exciting feeling of said road trips this summer.
…a busy day at work (surprised?)
…butterflies in my stomach.
…being OK with losing a good friend, because I know that it’s not me, it’s them.
…brainstorming ways to re-vamp my blog (because it sucks huge donkey dick right now and I hate it).
…having money in my checking account.
…thinking about a certain boy.
…letting other boys go and actually feeling good about it.
…realizing that certain friends just do not understand the true meaning of friendship.
…realizing how hard I have worked to get where I am at in my life right now.
…believing in: everything happens for a reason, even if no one else does.
…believing that someone could actually, genuinely care about you.
…finding the ability to care about that same person in the same way.
…recovering from a broken heart.
…cooking a delicious meal.
…spending time with good friends, near and far.
…spending quality time with my family when it isn’t over a big holiday.
…planning surprises
…playing soccer and realizing that I worked hard to be this good.
…friends who have the ability to make time for you.
…dinner parties.
…happy hours.
…doing the best I can with what I have.
…feeling needed by someone.
…learning from my mistakes.
…knowing that my parents raise me right.
…knowing that my life isn’t perfect and being perfectly happy with that.