on meeting Senators, feeling powerful, second-guessing,making a difference and realizing my life's passion

(photo via, me.  i take awesome photos, I know.)

January 27, 2010.  What did YOU do that day? 

I bet most people went to work, went to the gym, went to happy hour.

But me?

I advocated and lobbied for increased federal funding for cervical cancer treatments on Capitol Hill.

I met with Senator Arlen Specter, Senator Bob Casey and Congressman Mike Doyle to discuss their support with the health care bill and their stance on increasing federal funding for women's health issues in 2011.

On January 27, 2010 I MADE A DIFFERENCE.

It was my first time on Capitol Hill (shocking, since I love that city and visit nearly eight times a year) and it was my first time attending a briefing for something that directly affects me.  It was the very first time in my life that I felt powerful and I had the ability to make a difference for me, my friends, my family and my future children.

By lobbying for more federal funding for cervical cancer programs, it allows all women to receive proper treatments (including vaccines and surgeries).  It allows my future children and grandchildren [and your future children and grandchildren] to hopefully never have to worry about getting HPV or cervical cancer.

Yesterday was nothing short of thrilling and invigorating.  Standing in rooms with Senators and Congressmen who have the ability to change health care with a snap of their finger was absolutely priceless.  Most people don't get that opportunity.

Yesterday was eye-opening to my decision to pack up and leave for the West Coast.  Yesterday, I fell in love with Washington, D.C. all over again.  I fell in love with the ability to make a difference in today's current [and future] health care situation.  I fell in love with my passion to one day work on Capitol Hill and live in D.C., and this could very well change my decision to move out West.

There's something about that city that keeps drawing me back.

Yesterday, on the train ride home, I realized that I want to pursue a career on Capitol Hill in nonprofit, advocating and lobbying for women's rights. 

(and not just because there are so many HOT legislators in D.C.)

I want the ability to continue to lobby for health care changes (especially for women) and continue to make a difference in this world.  I want to know I'm making this country a better place for my children and grandchildren.  

This is my passion.  This is my goal.  This is my life. 

"Nobody in life gets exactly what they

thought they were going to get.
But if you work really hard and you're kind,
amazing things will happen."
- Conan O'Brien -

stop asking, start living [and loving harder] - also known as the time I pay it forward

(via)

"Ask, and you shall find."

I ask a lot of questions because I thrive on learning.  Whether it's from a book, a friend or experiencing it first-hand, I'm constantly learning new things.

The biggest thing I've learned recently is:

"Happiness is a journey, not a destination."

I'm constantly seeking happiness because maybe I just don't know what happiness really is.  I mean, seriously, what is happiness?  What does it feel like?  How do you know when you've found it?

See, there go the questions...

Earlier this week I was offered a position on the Board of Directors for the National Cervical Cancer Coalition.  I was amazed, thrilled and ecstatic.  More importantly, I felt honored because it shows that my advocacy efforts are truly paying off.

And that's when I realized...

Happiness is what you make it.

I want to change the world.  I know it won't happen over night, but often times I think about quitting my full-time job so I can devote more time to advocating.  It's stupid, I know, which is why I haven't done it... yet.

Why am I living? is often a question that runs through my head.  I think back about how far I have come and what I have to show for myself.  I'm living to make a difference.  I believe in helping others who are less fortunate; helping those who need treatment; and educating the public.  I know I can't save everyone, but if I can at least save one person's life, well, then I've done what I came here to do.

Earlier this week, a video was posted throughout the internet and youtube.  I'm sure you've already seen it, watched it or heard about it, but if you haven't, then what the hell!?

Love Harder was created because a lovely blogger's boyfriend was recently diagnosed with multiple myeloma and all the other bloggers out there wanted to do something to help.  So, a video was created, a website was made and donations were sent in.  The efforts put in by every single person who was a part of Love Harder is nothing short of amazing.

A day or so after I found out about the lovely blogger's boyfriend's cancer diagnosis, another close friend of mine told me that his mother has multiple myeloma.  I think I actually knew that, but had forgot (sorry, Mikey!).

It's funny because I spend so much time advocating for HPV and cervical cancer that I forget about the other cancers that are out there.  I get so angry because breast cancer is dominating 'cancer world' and little attention is paid to cervical cancer. But the truth is - cancer is cancer, and it doesn't matter what type of cancer someone has, it's still devastating. 

Being the Philadelphia Cancer Examiner has truly opened my eyes (and ears and heart) up to this 'cancer world.'  My job is to write articles on cancer and give it a local pitch by relating it to Philadelphia.  When I heard that a video was going to be made for this and that local women were going to be a part of it, I knew I had a story to write about, but I guess I didn't realize what kind of impact my story would make.

So, I paid it forward.  I donated to the cause and wrote this, as a tribute to the blogger and her boyfriend, my friend's mom and anyone else who has a personal experience with multiple myeloma. 

Together, we can make a difference.

Love harder. Life is short, love is unbending, and no one knows what could happen next. Tell someone you love them today.

on learning the meaning of true friendship

"You can't have friends until you learn how to be one."

We're all in search of something - a job, a school, a relationship, happiness - we spend so much of our lives searching for it, that we end up missing those moments that truly count; the ones that inevitably touch our lives forever.

Over the last five years, I have really spent time searching for the true meaning of friendship - ways to maintain friendships, strengthen friendships and let go of them - after five years of searching, I have learned that you only get out of it, what you put into it.

Discovering the true meaning of friendship is a tough lesson to learn.  Like anything else in your life, you have to make time and put effort into it.  You have to understand the boundaries of each friendship and learn to accept someone for who they are.  You have to learn that you can't make every single person in your life completely happy; you have to compromise, make sacrifices and put yourself out there.  You have to figure out who is worth your time and who isn't; you have to determine which friends to hold onto and which ones to let go.  But most importantly, you need to realize that friendships need to be reciprocated in order to endure and that after a while, certain friendships just aren't worth salvaging.

After all these years, I thought I figured it all out; I thought I understood what friendship really meant and how to keep even the farthest people close in my life.  Truth is, I'm still searching; I'm still learning to hold on... and let others go.

See, that's the thing about life - just when you think you figured it all out, it knocks you on your feet. 

......

How do you say goodbye to someone?

I hate goodbye's.  Not in the 'Goodbye, I'll see you later' sense, but the 'Goodbye, forever.' sense.  I'm not good at saying goodbye to someone, knowing it's the end of everything.  I hate endings.  I hate the emptiness you feel when it's all said and done.   

Ignorance is bliss, afterall.

Over the last couple weeks, I've had to say goodbye to two people in my life.  One of whom, has already passed, and another of whom, is barely hanging on.  They say deaths happen in three's.  I don't want to know who the third person is.

Two years ago, doctor's found a brain tumor in my brother.  It was on his pituitary, which made the surgery less comprehensive, and it was also benign, which was a great thing.  The surgery went well, but he didn't recover as well as the doctor's would have liked.

This past Thanksgiving, I found out my brother needs another surgery.  This time it's more complicated and more extensive.  But just recently, I discovered that my brother has a 2% chance of survival from this surgery.  TWO PERCENT.  If he doesn't go through with this surgery, then he'll spend the rest of his life in pain.  So, my brother decided to go through with the surgery.

"I can't live the rest of my life like this," he told me.

I wanted to be selfish and tell him not to go through with the surgery, but I knew I couldn't.  I don't know the amount of pain he's experiencing right now.  I don't want him to spend the rest of his life being miserable and in pain.

His doctors have told us to hope for the best, but expect the worst.

When someone has a two percent chance of survival, how can you ever hope for the best?

My brother met with his attorney to draft up his will and make funeral arrangements.  I don't understand how he can remain calm and collected through all of this.  I can barely process any of it.  It's hard to say goodbye.  It's even harder knowing when you have to exchange those goodbye's.

I don't understand why bad things happen to good people. 

I'm not ready to say goodbye.

wise words:

"After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand & changing a soul. And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning & company doesn't mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts & presents aren't promises. And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up & your eyes ahead... & you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans & futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. So you plant your own garden instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong & that you really do have worth... and with every goodbye, you learn..."

I'll be taking an indefinite respite from my blog while I work through a lot of unfortunate things that have happened to me recently.  While I can't promise I'll continue blogging any time soon, I can promise that I'll continue to show my love and support for my fellow bloggers.  Adios.

on failing as a friend and feeling helpless

He was 28, fun-loving, charismatic, smart and always laughing.  We always shared random inside jokes and told stories of our drunken college days. 

My day started out like any other.  I went to work and then rushed home to drive out to the boondocks of Coatesville to participate in a video shoot for my friend's nonprofit.  People were running late, so my shoot took a short 10 minutes but I nailed it.  Then I raced down to my hockey game.  I saw my friend, we exchanged "hello's" and then I got ready to play.

Halfway through our game, I saw my friend collapse.  I raced over to him and witnessed him having a seizure.  Then he had a heart attack.  Then, right before my eyes, he died.  No pulse, no breathing, no eyes moving.  Nothing. 

In a sheer moment, my friend was taken from me.  And I didn't even get to say goodbye.  I didn't even get to hug him one last time.

Witnessing that even was absolutely terrifying.  Sitting beside your friend as he has a seizure and a heart attack, knowing you can't do much of anything, is even more painful.  I felt so helpless last night.  I wanted to be a friend and save his life, but I didn't know how. 

The ambulance arrived within 15 minutes of his heart attack, but it was too late.  He was 28 years old and his life was cut short.  Once again, another wonderful man was taken from this Earth.  He leaves behind a wife and two children, one of whom will barely remember his father.

My heart aches.  Every time I close my eyes, I'm reminded of what I witnessed.

For the first time in my life, I feel like I failed as a friend.  And all I can do is say to myself, I should have done something to save his life.

"Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend...

...had I known how to save a life" 

"keep on moving, keep climbing, keep the faith, baby"

"I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
You'll never reach it..."

My decision to move across the country didn't come easy.  It's been a decision 4 years long in the making.  Every year I always had an excuse to stay - friends, being close to family, social life, a job, summer time.  It was always something that kept me here.  Even when I thought about moving to Chicago last year, I didn't go through with it.  But that's because I realize I would never survive the arctic temps up there.

The truth is, I was putting this decision off for so long because I was scared - scared to take that next step; scared to find a new job in a new city; scared to find new friends; scared to believe I could be happier someplace else.

As I thought more and more about this decision, I started to realize certain things.  I'm not entirely happy at my job.  Sure, I like it, but I don't love it.  I think the main reason I've stayed for this long is because of my salary.  I know money isn't everything, but it's nice to live a comfortable life where I can splurge every once in a while.  Another reason I've stayed this long is because I was afraid to leave my friends.  I worked so hard at making friends and creating my social circle here that I've been so afraid to leave it.  But something happened to me earlier this week that made me realize my friends are going to move on with their lives, with or without me.  I suppose you could say it was the reality check that I needed.

The more I think about moving out West, the more excited I am.  I haven't felt that way about a decision in a very long time.  This isn't about choosing which color to paint my room.  This is about choosing a new start; a new city; a happier life.  It's about putting one foot in front of the other and making my dreams a reality.

I have a lot to do in the next few months.  First and foremost, I hope that one of these jobs I applied for fall into place.  If that doesn't happen, then it's about figuring out WHEN to move and WHERE to go.  The more I think about it, the more I lean towards Phoenix or San Diego.  I could really love living beach-side every day and finding a hott military man to bone every day  fall in love with. 

Sometimes you just have to let go of everything and take that step.  You don't know where it's going to lead you or if it's going to be the better choice, but you won't know until you do it.  I'm anxious to start this new adventure. 

I can already tell that these next few months are going to be bittersweet.

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."