Back to reality

Remember this episode of The Office?

Yeah, that was my weekend.  My friends and I attempting to act appropriately around my 61-year old [awesome] cousin, constantly hearing things like:

"it's so hard..."
"you can get in it from both sides."

It's amazing I'm still allowed out in public with this girl.  

But the weekend was amazing.

Laughter. Smiling. Pictures. Board games. Card games. Puzzles. Wine tasting. Sunsets. 

I'll be taking a brief respite (well, maybe) to catch up on work, gear up for my nonprofit's big charity event, and soaking in the last few days of my 26-year-old-ness (cue anxiety attack!).  But you can read more about my fabulous weekend here.

unplugged

view of Honeoye Lake in upstate NY at sunset

 

Sometimes you just need to unwind, unplug and relax.  Living in a big city can become overwhelming.  People rushing to catch a bus or cross the street, taxi cabs zipping by, and fire sirens blaring outside your window at all hours of the night.  Finding a moment of solitude is very far and few between. 

When you get the chance, take it...

I can't remember the last time I had a relaxing vacation.  Most of my vacations recently have consisted of hockey tournaments, binge drinking, or playing tourist.  I'm craving solitude, sunsets and laughter.  I jumped at the chance of spending a long weekend at my cousin's cottage at the Finger Lakes in upstate New York, and insisted that my two favorite girl friends join me.  It's away from the big city where the solitude and the sunsets take your breath away. 

 ...if it changes your life, let it.

My family took summer vacations to South Carolina or the Finger Lakes.  Forget the Jersey Shore.  There's just something about it... it changes your life and makes you appreciate things like sunsets, boat rides, bon fires, and solitude so much more.  Trade in binge drinking at a bar for savoring glasses of wine on the deck.

Goodbye, city life; hello, Finger Lakes!

Well, at least for the next four days...

can you really have it all?

(via)

In a time where more and more women are climbing the Corporate Ladder, earning higher salaries, and building their own businesses, it's amazing how women are able to juggle it all.  I used to think it was either one or the other - a successful career or a loving relationship - but as I look around, I'm starting to wonder:

Can young women really have it all - a successful career, a happy and loving relationship and meaningful friendships?

I've never been able to juggle it all.  Lately I've been so career-driven and focused that I've pushed relationships and dating to the side.  Am I being selfish?  Maybe.  But I think I need to be - at least for the moment - in order for me to continue to work toward a successful career.  However, while it's nice to be so focused on my career, I definitely don't want to be one of those women who don't know how to juggle anything else in her life.  I want to be able to keep myself focused on my career path and have a relationship and maintain my meaningful friendships and play sports a few nights a week and... and... and...

I've never been on a first date.  I've always rushed into every single one of my relationships to the point where our "first date" ends up being meeting at a noisy, crowded bar with a group of friends.  And then those "first dates" may or may not have led to the walk-of-shame/kicking-the-guy-out-of-my-house-at-8AM.

So, maybe that's my problem? Maybe it's also why I'm in therapy.

Is it just me or is the first date no longer sacred?  Or am I just choosing the wrong men?  Or is the new thing now sleeping on the first date?!   

I know I've kind of been out of the dating world lately.  Not because I want to be, but moreso because I can't find anyone worth dating.  My last fling didn't work out so well (note to all you men out there:  hairy backs are not attractive), and I decided to take a respite from dating after that.  You would too if you had seen his hairy back!

I suppose over the years I've raised my standards of dating.  I've already done the hook-ups, one-night stands, and friends-with-benefits thing.  I've dated men with less than average packages who didn't know how to use them, and men who have over-sized packages, know how to use them, but fall short in creating any kind of emotional spark.  At the same time though, I also found a man who I thought was my soulmate, who satisfied me in every intellectual and physical way possible (you're welcome for the visual there), yet he still fell short.  Is it really that tough to find someone to connect with on every emotional and physical level? I know it's not about finding the perfect person, and I know the reality is that not every will satisfy you.  So when you find someone worth dating, and they don't satisfy every single one of your relationships needs, are you settling? 

Maybe, because I've been out of the dating world for a while, I don't know what I want.  Maybe everything has changed - first dates, first kisses, first intimate encounters.  Do we rush into relationships and engagements and marriage because we're infatuated with the idea of always having someone, of the convenience, of the intimate connection ... instead of searching for that one person who give you butterflies, challenges you in ways you never thought and makes you believe in that thing called true love?

Can you really have it all?

a broken heart never completely heals

(via)

"Just gonna stand there and watch me burn

Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts" 

It feels like a thousand sharp knives stabbing every inch of your body.  It hurts to breathe, to speak, to blink.  It hurts to think about it, but it's all you can think about.  You wonder how someone you loved so much could ever have the ability to hurt you so badly.  You close your eyes and you see your future - with that person - shattered to pieces.  Everything you once believed in now makes no sense.  You wonder what's worth living for any more. 

As the weeks pass by, the pain slowly subsides.  Tears stop streaming down your face.  You begin to feel things other than heartache.  You begin to realize that you do have a future beyond that person.  You realize that your life was good before them, and it will be good again now that they're gone.  So you peel yourself off your couch and you cleanse yourself of any memories of that person.  It's all too painful, you think to yourself.

"You ever love somebody so much, you could barely breathe when you with 'em?"

  

The first year is always the hardest.  The loneliness becomes palpable.  You wonder if you'll ever find happiness.  You wonder if you'll ever fall in love again.  You wonder if you'll ever know what it's like to feel something for someone again.  

As time goes by, the wounds begin to heal.  You cover up the loneliness and the unhappiness with something else, just as you would cover up a blemish.  But just because you cover it up, doesn't mean that it still doesn't hurt.  And like an open wound, when it heals it leaves a scar.  A broken heart never completely heals;  Something is always left behind - memories, pictures, gifts - that becomes the scar.

Eventually, you get your life back together.  This time, it's all about me! you say to yourself.  You pick up the broken pieces and figure out how to put it all back together.  Because this time it's about new beginnings, feeling happy, and finding someone to fall in love with... again.

You force yourself to cope with the break up and get yourself back out there.  You date a few people, but in the back of your head, you know they don't stack up.  That spark just isn't there.  You start to wonder if you'll ever feel that passion you once felt.  

And as the years pass by, when you finally get your life together and begin to feel happy and feel like you can finally believe in something, it all comes crashing down on you.  That wall you built up so strong, crumbles instantly.  Those feelings you locked up, break out.  Someone who was once your best friend and lover, forces their way back into your life and all you can say is, why now?  

"Just gonna stand there and hear me cry

Well, that's alright because I love the way you lie"

"nothing in this life that's worth having, comes easy"

"You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly."

- Unknown-

I know perfection doesn't exist, but I still strive to be perfect or live up to someone's expectations every day.  While no person is indeed perfect, society expects us to live like we are.  We are not supposed to break the law or break hearts or have bad credit.

When we apply for college, we are supposed to excel on the SAT's and write a flawless essay to go with our application so we can get accepted by a Top 25 University.  When we graduate, we are supposed to have a 4.0.  When we apply for a loan, we are supposed to have flawless credit and have a history of on-time payments.  When we find someone we want to spend the rest of our lives with, we are supposed to love them unconditionally.  When we apply for a job, employers look at academic credentials more than life experiences.

We are supposed to live an extraordinary, flawless, impeccable, perfect life where everything comes easy and we don't make mistakes.

Colleges and Universities are making entrance admissions even harder to pass.  Lenders are making it even more difficult to qualify for any kind of loan.  Employers are tightening their minimum job requirements, making it even difficult for entry level or under-educated people to apply.  

Everything is getting harder to accept, to pass, or to qualify for, it seems like.  Even people who search for partners online through Match.com that immediately write off a person by the color of their skin, or the fact that they're overweight or they just don't have those attractive physical characteristics.  

Why is it so hard to become accepted in today's society, by any standard?  What happened to those days where it was easy to get a loan or get admitted into college or graduate school or find your soul mate on the internet?

Times have changed.  The economy is still struggling and people are still getting laid off left and right.  People are having a tougher time qualifying for anything or being accepted for something.  I get it.  But a mistake that was made several years ago - which turned into a lesson learned - that now prevents you from being accepted today, is more than disheartening. 

In a world where we're "all created equal," so many details set us apart. 

Social Media and Personal Branding: Friend or Foe?

I read an article about the release of Facebook in my school newspaper during my Sophomore year of college.  That was the time when Facebook was only available to college students, linking their account to their school e-mail address.  Of course I jumped on the bandwagon and signed up.  And of course, I had no idea what Facebook was, but I just knew I had to be in "the know." 

Now anyone can sign up for Facebook.  Even your pet.  Yes, that's right.  Some of my friends create a Facebook account for their pets.  I don't even want to get into that.

I'm a blogger for Brand-Yourself and a big fan of Social Media, Marketing and Personal Branding.  I believe, when used properly, social media can be one of the most valuable tools used for job hunting, promoting a business and networking, but way too many people are taking it for granted and jeopardizing themselves and their careers.

If you haven't noticed, I've never really revealed myself on my blog.  I don't really talk much about my day-job (which is separate from my freelance writing projects and my nonprofit), I don't post that much inappropriate content (with the exception of linking to an inappropriate - but highly humorous - dolphin video), and I've never posted a picture of me (aside from the picture on my About Me page, which only shows you my back side.  You're welcome).  My blog does however, have links to my Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIN pages, so if you really wanted to stalk get to know me, you could connect with me through those websites.  I do my best to keep my blog content as PG-rated as humanely possible.  I don't connect with my current co-workers on any of my networking sites (especially Facebook, since someone I know likes to constantly post inappropriate things on my wall) because I believe in keeping a personal life separate from my work-life.  Plus I fear that some things could come and bite me in the ass later on, if someone at work did find something out. 

When I worked in Human Resources about two years ago, I would do random internet searches (Oh Google, how I love thee...) on prospective candidates.  And yes, that meant searching for them on Facebook and LinkedIN.  Did I ever find inappropriate content on those sites?  Absolutely.  Did it give enough reason not to hire them?  Absolutely. 

Whether you want to admit it or not, thanks to sites like LinkedIN, Twitter and Facebook (and even our blogs!) we all now have our own personal brand. 

Whatever you are posting out on the internet gives prospective employers (and even current employers) the possibility of discovering it.  Published an article online?  They'll find it.  Got tagged in an inappropriate photo on Facebook?  They will find it. 

My rule of thumb?  If you don't want your parents/immediate family to look at it or read it, then don't post it for all of the world to see.  Sure, there are some exceptions, like Facebook, where you can block certain people from viewing your wall, but when it comes to looking for a job (or even risking losing one), you need to make sure what is being said by you or about you won't come back to bite you in the ass. 

Everything can be used as evidence now a days - even in a court of law.  Be careful what you're posting out there or you'll end up paying for it later down the road. 

What do you think - do you agree or disagree with me?  Do you think [some] people are being too inappropriate with their social media content?  How do you use your social media accounts - for business or pleasure or both?

(notice how I asked questions at the end?  Answer them, damnit! kthxbye.)

on loathing the homeownership process and a dolphin video

Remember when you were a little girl (or boy?  or sexually confused girl or boy?) and you imagined what your life would be like as an adult?  You would tell your friends you would marry Prince Charming and live in this gorgeous house with a white picket fence and sit on the porch swing sipping wine until the sun went down. 

Well, whoever stole my gorgeous 3-bedroom/2-bathroom house with a white picket fence needs to return it. 

Yes, ladies and gentlemen (and anyone in between), I'm crossing #34 off of my bucket list and buying a house.  Or a condo.  Or whatever the hell I can find that won't break my bank and won't involve massive renovations.  Or a big, fat, ugly tree in the back yard that I will constantly worry about when a thunderstorm rolls in.

Whoever said real estate shopping is fun, needs to be shot  slapped.  Sure, it's all fun and games for the first ten minutes, but then after a whole week of looking at listings and hours spent going from house to house (chauffeured by the worst best Greek realtor ever who buys you a $9 lunch at a tiny Vietnamese stand during your very first meeting) I want to gouge my eyes out.

Why is it so damn hard to find a nice house in the city?  Am I too picky?  Do I have that high of standards for my FIRST HOUSE EVER?  Or does Philadelphia real estate just suck major donkey balls?

Do you own or rent your current place?  If you own, how many houses did you look at before you found the one you bought? 

PS: Do you like dolphins?  Then watch this. (WARNING: NSFW)  Even if you don't like dolphins, you should still watch it.  You're welcome in advance.