"You need to be good to yourself. Stop taking care of everyone else - let them make their own mistakes, let them find their own way. Be the kind person you've always been, but know when to let someone go."
I met Trina last Tuesday evening at a cafe next to the Hostel the same night I met the boy. Trina's an older Australian woman who's extremely kind, warm-hearted, and I've been exceptionally grateful to be able to spend quality time with her.
Today, I gushed and vented and revealed. A woman who I've only known for a week knew all about my past, present, and future. I told her the real reason why I'm traveling abroad and I confessed the loneliness that I've been struggling with.
Everything happens for a reason.
It's so cliche, I know but I believe that everything that's led to my journey to Australia has happened for a reason. Something made me get here and something deep in my heart allowed me to fall in love with this country.
But over the last 48 hours, a lot has changed. Happiness is fleeting. I've been battling some emotional demons that have risen and I've been trying to work through - yet again - a way to cover the damaged and broken with gratitude and love.
Australia was supposed to be a holiday, and boy, a holiday it was. I met a girl from Hollywood who I wouldn't normally be friends with and I met a man who made me feel things I've never felt before. But I don't want to be one of those people who sacrifices hopes and dreams and a life worth living for a comfortable lifestyle or a relationship.
I haven't been myself lately, and I don't know if it's because I've been partying every night with Ms. Hollywood or if I've been consumed with spending so much time with the boy, but I just haven't felt right and today it all caught up to me as I spent five hours at a cafe crying with Trina.
I was offered a job in Taiwan teaching English at a summer camp. It starts on July 1st and I can stay for as long (or little) as I want. They have already provided me with an apartment and they will arrange airport pick up for me.
As much as I'm enjoying my time in Australia, this country is ridiculously expensive and I could really use a paycheck right now. But just as I start building a foundation here, I'm faced with another difficult decision.
I thought about staying in Sydney for a year, but after analyzing that decision tonight at the cafe, I realized that it would have been based around a boy and a relationship that might not have worked out. I want to give it a chance, but I also don't want to be one of those people who sacrifices their future for a relationship. That's so not my thing.
I believe that certain people come into your life for a reason. Maybe this isn't supposed to be it. Maybe this is supposed to show me that I have what it takes to feel something for someone again, and that it is okay to believe in falling in love again. Maybe he's supposed to show me that it's okay to trust someone so quickly and it's okay to feel something for someone so soon.
Maybe, just maybe, Australia was the stepping stone for me to feel whole again.
