Tuesday, May 18, 2010

I think I have carpal tunnel syndrome. and I need more clean underwear.

So, I'm doing this thing called the Joy Equation, and even though I'm only on Day Six, I already kind of hate it.  (sorry Molly!) 

I have to write every day, for thirty frickin' days.  You know what I say to that?

STAB!

I'm lucky if I remember to wear clean underwear for thirty days.

Just kidding.

Kind of.

I think one reason why I question this Joy Equation thing is because I'm doing these journal prompts and listening to these audio clips and I still don't see any results.

Confession:  I'm the type of person who needs instant gratification.

There, I said it.

If I go wrist deep* into a vagina project, I need to know what the result is going to be.  I need to know that my hard work pays off right after I am done.  But with the Joy Equation, it's a waiting game.  I write these journal prompts and when I'm finished, I'm all, what the frick?!  I just wrote for thirty-frickin'-minutes and I don't feel any differently.  The only thing I do get from these journal prompts is carpal tunnel syndrome** and I definitely did NOT ask for that.  I'm trying to be patient and I'm trying to keep an open vagina mind as I am working through these journal prompts, but I get anxious when I don't see an end result.

Patience is a virtue.

I know change doesn't happen over night.  And I don't expect to be completely happy and joyous after I complete this project.  I know that a lot of my happiness comes from within and I need to figure out how to find that.  But sometimes I want to scream.  Like when I don't have clean underwear.  Or when I don't get an instant fix from my daily journal prompt. 

I just want to know I'm on the right track.




* have you read my wrist-deep sex story?  You're welcome.
** when I was little, my brothers told me it was "car-pool tunnel syndrome," and I thought it was a disease you got when you car-pooled with someone through a tunnel.

4 comments:

  1. It's not meant to be all fun and fabulous, haha. I think maybe you'll hit a point int he 30 days that you'll be asked "THAT QUESTION".

    Mine came early, some people's came late, etc.

    I'm excited to see where you go in the 30 days.

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  2. Maybe you need to listen to the four agreements on this one? Like "always do your best" and the benefits will come.
    Or maybe I'm just BSing.

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  3. You're allowed to hate it...

    But it doesn't hate you. It thinks you're very dedicated and hopeful for continuing to journal through your carpal tunnel syndrome, without wearing any underwear.

    I mean.

    Um.

    If you get sick of journaling, figure out a way to make it work for you. Connecting with some of my mind sludge and chatter through a journal works for me, but maybe you need to discuss it with a close friend. Maybe you need to save a few days worth, treat yourself to a green macha soy latte or large glass of Shiraz and just tackle a bunch at once.

    I do think we've ALL become used to instant gratification. We're not used to making commitments with ourselves and carrying through when it's hard. When it's uncomfortable. When the current moment feels pointless...

    I don't know what is going to come up for you over the course. I do know that you were seeking something when you signed up and honoring that commitment is pretty dang important.

    Shake your hand out! Put some laundry in the wash!

    And have some faith in yourself, lovely.

    XOXO

    Molly

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  4. Haha, who needs underwear? ;)

    ReplyDelete

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