on choices, grad school, and making my dreams reality

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Going to college wasn't in my long-term plans.  I wanted to go to culinary school and open up my own Bed & Breakfast some day.  Perhaps culinary school and that Bed & Breakfast is still in my future.  It's simple - I love to cook. I love testing out flavors, ingredients and spices and find it very therapeutic.  After a really long, stressful day all I want to do is spend an hour in my kitchen and cook up a delicious dinner.

But culinary school was expensive and my mother worked at the University (which meant free tuition), so it was clear what road I was headed down.  Looking back, it was one of the best things I could have done for myself because I graduated college with a Bachelor of Arts in Sociology, a minor in Criminology, and no school loans.  

I entered the real world shortly after graduation, accepting a position with the District Attorney's office in Philadelphia.  In the five years that I've lived here, I've held four full-time, paid jobs, started my own nonprofit organization, and established a freelance writing career.  I have juggled between the decision to go to law school or graduate school or continue working in the Corporate World.  I didn't want to commit to law school if my heart wasn't set on practicing law.  When I made the decision to start a nonprofit organization, I believed I could do it with no experience, no budget, and just a Bachelor's degree.  It's been three years with my organization and I have learned that I can't do this on my own, with no experience and no proper education.  But I got sucked into the Corporate World, like every one else, and enjoy the fact that I have a steady income and am able to live somewhat lavishly when I want to.  

A month ago, I hit a breaking point.  I called my oldest brother and cried.  I can't do this anymore, I said to him.  I wanted to quit my nonprofit.  The one thing I have worked so hard on, with so much passion, and I wanted to give up.  I feel like I failed.  When you put your heart and soul into a business for three years and you watch it fail day in and day out, it makes you wonder if you're really cut out for the entrepreneurial world.

"You have too much passion in this to give up now.  Is this what you want to do?  If you love it, if it makes you smile every day, then do whatever it takes to make your dreams a reality.  Because the only thing worse than failing, is quitting."

So, I made the decision to apply to graduate school for a Masters in Public Administration.  Because I know that I can't do this on my own.  My desire to take my nonprofit organization to the national level can't be done with very little experience and no solid, related education.

I thought my entrance into an Ivy League graduate school was a fluke.  In fact, I hesitated to apply to an Ivy League school because I didn't think I was good enough.  I received an e-mail titled: "Congratulations!" from the Dean last week and I thought it was spam.  I know I'm intelligent, but I never thought I was intelligent enough for Ivy League.  When I opened up the acceptance letter from the University of Pennsylvania later that day, I realized it wasn't a fluke.  This is real.  Starting my Masters in Government Administration in January.  Re-branding my nonprofit organization to expand our cancer outreach and tap into suicide awareness.  This is real.  Making the executive decision to transition from the legal field into the nonprofit/government field.  Knowing how much I love helping people, how determined I am at making a difference, and how serious I am at changing and saving lives.  This is all real, and there's no going back.

For the first time in a long time, I'm excited at what my future holds.  I'm anxious to start grad school in January.  I'm excited at the opportunity of taking my nonprofit to the national level.  I'm excited at the possibility of managing a Government agency or nonprofit organization some day soon and getting paid for it.  I finally feel like I'm on the right career track, like I finally know what I want to do, and there's no turning back now. 

"To want, and to be ambitious, and to want to be successful is not enough; that's just desire.  To know what you want, to understand why you're doing it, to dedicate every breath in your body to achieve it... if you feel like you have something to give, if you feel like your particular talent is worth developing, is worth caring for, then there's nothing you can't achieve."

- Kevin Spacey -