I have a knack for putting others before myself. I do it because I believe that I genuinely care about others (well, most others) and I realize that there are people in this world who are a lot less fortunate than I am. Or you are. And those are the people who truly need help.
Late last night I had a brief one-sided conversation with a friend. They asked why I was up so late and I said, "I'm getting stuff done." That opened the flood gates.
"What?"
"Applying for jobs."
"Where? Why?"
"Because I'm done living here. I've been here 5 years now and I don't want to be here forever. I'm ready for a change. Expand my horizons."
"Where?"
"Sacramento. Seattle. Los Angeles. San Francisco. Phoenix. Dallas. Houston. Anywhere but Philadelphia."
"Lots of Asians in California. Not so much in Phoenix or Texas."
It was at that moment that I realized:
Some people just don't know how to be a friend.
I don't ask much of anyone. Even in my moments of need, I don't really ask people for support. But all I needed was a friend, and that person couldn't be much of one.
I'm making a big decision. I'm leaving my career to pursue a dream. I'm leaving my home state to pursue a better, happier life. I'm leaving my friends to hopefully find others. I'm giving up everything with the hopes of gaining something much more rewarding and valuable.
I applied for jobs in Sacramento, San Francisco, Seattle, Phoenix and Dallas. Now all I can do is sit back and hope that something good comes out of all of this. I'm taking a huge risk, but in my heart I know it will lead to a happier, more rewarding life.
For the first time in probably a long time, I'm putting myself before anyone else. Selfish? No. Smart. I'm finally ready to move on. It's the decision I've been juggling for the last four years. I stayed in Philadelphia because I wasn't sure what I wanted to do or where I wanted to go next.
"You'll never leave where you are until you decide where you'd rather be."
For the first time in my life, I'm ready. And I'm not looking back.
I want this.
"This is your one opportunity to do something that no one has done before and that no one will copy again throughout human existence. A-and if nothing else, you'll be remembered as the one guy who ever did this. This one thing."
ReplyDelete- Sam, "Garden State"
Good luck in the infinite abyss!
Good for you.
ReplyDeleteBoo on your friend. Honestly, that's the reason I turn to my blog half the time, because I know the people who read will support me without question, etc. It's a good thing you have another outlet, so you're IRL friends don't make you feel shitty.
I think what you're doing is great. If you know you're unhappy in Philly, you get to make the change. I hope that when the time comes that I need to move, I'll actually know and be in tune with myself to just get up and go just like you're doing.
So, so excited for you!
ReplyDeleteIn response to your comment (because I can't find your e-mail to reply that way lol)
ReplyDeleteI definitely know that I can block people on FB, but I'm worried about doing that because a lot of PR people are using FB now and it's become normal to be friends with them. I feel rude declining a friend request, even if it's someone I don't feel comfortable responding to because they are a co-worker or employer.
Did it bother you when you saw FB profiles of potential attorneys with alcohol? I mean, I just don't get it, because people can be responsible at work and still have an active social life, ya know what I mean?
I love this, such a fabulous motto and way to live.
ReplyDeleteIt's about time. I'm so happy for you! You'll have to let us know how it all pans out, which places call you back and such.
ReplyDelete2010 is going to be a great year for you. :D
Make it happen.
ReplyDeleteThe end.
I know you were waiting for some kind of heartfelt insight from me, but you know my emotions. I'm already pretending you're gone so I don't go on Suicide watch when you do.