{via}
I had two choices - be gentle and sugar coat, or be brutally honest.
"I think you're amazing. I really enjoy talking to you because it's so easy and so comfortable for me... and I don't usually connect with a guy this well, so soon. But I felt like you punched me in my ovaries. It really stung. And for a while I was mad at you, but now I'm just bitter at the situation and how this played out. Because you knew from Day One how this would end, and instead of being up front and honest with me, you chose to let things continue. And now it sucks because I really liked you and now I don't know what to do. So yes, that makes you a douchebag."
I chose the latter.
Maybe Carrie Bradshaw was right when she said that there are no right moments, right guys, or right answers; we just have to say what's in our heart.
I leave for Prague in three months. I have a check list of things I need to do before I leave, but I also created a list of things I want to do for myself. I'm closing a big chapter of my life and in order to move forward, I really want to focus on finding personal closure with what I've made for myself in Philadelphia.
While it wasn't my ideal situation to tell him (in my car, after a hockey game), I owed it to myself to explain why I'm bitter. I needed a sense of closure, and I needed it to be on my own terms. He's not a bad guy, he's just a bad person [for me] to date.
As much as this dating experience sucked, I don't have any regrets. I learned that I really do have the ability to feel something for someone after getting my heart shattered. It's okay to become vulnerable, just don't let a man use that to his advantage. And most importantly, know what you're worth and don't be afraid to tell him (or her).
I wasn't sure I would be able to stay friends with him once he returned from Brazil. I've never been able to maintain a friendship with a guy that I've been involved with. But I'm leaving in three months, and I don't know what will happen with our friendship while I'm abroad, or when I return, and at the very least, I want to be friendly since we still have to see each other every week. I want to be able to end things with a man on good terms, because I owe it to myself to at least try.
* title of the post from Misery by Maroon 5
