How do you say goodbye to someone?
I hate goodbye's. Not in the 'Goodbye, I'll see you later' sense, but the 'Goodbye, forever.' sense. I'm not good at saying goodbye to someone, knowing it's the end of everything. I hate endings. I hate the emptiness you feel when it's all said and done.
Ignorance is bliss, afterall.
Over the last couple weeks, I've had to say goodbye to two people in my life. One of whom, has already passed, and another of whom, is barely hanging on. They say deaths happen in three's. I don't want to know who the third person is.
Two years ago, doctor's found a brain tumor in my brother. It was on his pituitary, which made the surgery less comprehensive, and it was also benign, which was a great thing. The surgery went well, but he didn't recover as well as the doctor's would have liked.
This past Thanksgiving, I found out my brother needs another surgery. This time it's more complicated and more extensive. But just recently, I discovered that my brother has a 2% chance of survival from this surgery. TWO PERCENT. If he doesn't go through with this surgery, then he'll spend the rest of his life in pain. So, my brother decided to go through with the surgery.
"I can't live the rest of my life like this," he told me.
I wanted to be selfish and tell him not to go through with the surgery, but I knew I couldn't. I don't know the amount of pain he's experiencing right now. I don't want him to spend the rest of his life being miserable and in pain.
His doctors have told us to hope for the best, but expect the worst.
When someone has a two percent chance of survival, how can you ever hope for the best?
My brother met with his attorney to draft up his will and make funeral arrangements. I don't understand how he can remain calm and collected through all of this. I can barely process any of it. It's hard to say goodbye. It's even harder knowing when you have to exchange those goodbye's.
I don't understand why bad things happen to good people.
I'm not ready to say goodbye.
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