He was 28, fun-loving, charismatic, smart and always laughing. We always shared random inside jokes and told stories of our drunken college days.
My day started out like any other. I went to work and then rushed home to drive out to the boondocks of Coatesville to participate in a video shoot for my friend's nonprofit. People were running late, so my shoot took a short 10 minutes but I nailed it. Then I raced down to my hockey game. I saw my friend, we exchanged "hello's" and then I got ready to play.
Halfway through our game, I saw my friend collapse. I raced over to him and witnessed him having a seizure. Then he had a heart attack. Then, right before my eyes, he died. No pulse, no breathing, no eyes moving. Nothing.
In a sheer moment, my friend was taken from me. And I didn't even get to say goodbye. I didn't even get to hug him one last time.
Witnessing that even was absolutely terrifying. Sitting beside your friend as he has a seizure and a heart attack, knowing you can't do much of anything, is even more painful. I felt so helpless last night. I wanted to be a friend and save his life, but I didn't know how.
The ambulance arrived within 15 minutes of his heart attack, but it was too late. He was 28 years old and his life was cut short. Once again, another wonderful man was taken from this Earth. He leaves behind a wife and two children, one of whom will barely remember his father.
My heart aches. Every time I close my eyes, I'm reminded of what I witnessed.
For the first time in my life, I feel like I failed as a friend. And all I can do is say to myself, I should have done something to save his life.
"Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend...
...had I known how to save a life"
Oh my god I am so sorry. There really aren't words. When we lost our friend (who was 25) in September, it really was the worst thing I had ever been through. Stay strong, and rally around his wife and kids with all of your friends. You'll find comfort in everyone that knew him.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry :( I really hope you don't feel like you failed as a friend because I honestly don't think you could have prevented it. My heart and prayers are with you. *Hugs*
ReplyDelete::HUGS::
ReplyDeleteYou didn't failed as a friend. You where there with him in his last moment. He had a friend comfort & take care of him at his end.
Prayers to him & his family.
I don't have any words to make you feel better, but I do know you didn't fail him as a friend. You were with him in his last moments and that's all anyone can expect. Keep him in your heart and remember him for the happy moments you shared.
ReplyDeleteYou didn't fail as a friend. You're not a doctor. I'm sure that he was comforted knowing that at least you were there, by his side, hoping for him and worrying over him.
ReplyDeleteThere's no way to make this tragedy seem light, but don't blame yourself. There was nothing more you could have done.