In 2011...
I want to work harder at my relationships. I want to put more genuine effort into those friendships that truly matter to me. I want to build on the foundation that's already there - brunches, coffee dates, reaching out more - and make sure that the friendships I carry with me - now and in the future - are authentic, meaningful and satisfying.
I want to stop caring about what other's think. It's a tough pill to swallow when someone tells you are going to fail at making your dreams come true. It knocks you out for a brief moment. For the longest time I've always cared about what others thought. As I take my life abroad soon, I know that not everyone will support my decision and you know what? That's okay. Let them think what they want, I'm going to do it anyway.
I want to talk less and do more. As much as I crave deep, meaningful conversations, I really want to focus on doing more, whether it's getting coffee while catching up, or going out to dinner, or just taking a walk. I want to make the most of the three months that I have left here.
I want to believe in myself more. I know what I'm capable of, but I have a tough time believing it. I know I can conquer the world, but I have a tough time believing it. I want to believe that I can create some wonderful life experiences while I'm abroad, but it's terrifying thinking I'm going to be miles and miles away from my comfort zone, family, and friends. I want to believe that everything's going to be okay and I can do anything I set my mind to.
I want to laugh harder and smile more. I've worked really hard over this last year to get myself to a better place, and I want to continue focusing on my soul-searching and finding my authentic happiness. I know it's there somewhere, I just have to dig a little deeper.
I want to spend as much time as physically possible with the friends who have earned a special place in my heart in this city. I've had a few set of different friends since living in this city. It's like I haven't been able to find that core group of friends until recently. And yes, I'm sad to leave them, but I really want to make sure that the friendships I have can endure the time and distance. I really want to put everything I have into these friendships while I'm still here.
I want to open myself up to new opportunities, meet new people, and allow something - or someone - to change my life. I build a wall around people a little too easily because it's easier than allowing myself to get hurt. We build walls, not to keep people out, but to see who's strong enough to knock them down. For the first time in three years, I opened myself up - honestly and genuinely - to a man. I allowed myself to become vulnerable and uncover the secrets of my broken past. It was scary, but I'm so glad I did it.
I want to work harder at fighting for what's important, for standing up for myself when someone knocks me down, and conquering my dreams. Never let someone take your dreams away from you. I want to do everything. Except, I can't. At least not immediately. My biggest dream right now? To open up my own restaurant with my brother. And I really believe I have the ability and determination to do it. That's the scary part.
So, here's to 2011 and all of the wonderful, scary, terrifying, heartbreaking, soul-crushing things that are to come. Here's to making dreams come true and fighting for what you want in life.
Wishing you a wonderful 2011. Stay classy and be true to yourself.
