It happened.
I was standing in the kitchen on Christmas Eve with my two brothers, their wives, and my oldest brother's mother-in-law. We shared stories, laughed and drank wine. We celebrated an engagement, a new house, Christmas, and family togetherness. My oldest brother asked me if I had decided on Prague, and without any hesitation I said, "I'm going."
I have never been so confident about a decision in my entire life. No guilt, no regrets, no second guessing myself. I'm still terrified, but in an oh-my-god-I'm-really-doing-this kind of way.
Eventually, you reach a point in life where you stop questioning your decisions, your abilities, and yourself and just do it.
People tell me I'm being selfish. My oldest brother said he doesn't understand why I'm doing this. Someone told me I'm destined to fail.
I've spent the last three years trying to make a difference in this world to save women's lives from cancer. I have dedicated my heart and soul to helping others because it's just who I am, and because I genuinely care about others.
You can't help others until you learn how to help yourself.
I've been struggling over the last month to put myself back together. I spiraled into depression a couple weeks ago - something I haven't done since 2003 - and felt completely lost in life. Maybe I am being selfish, but I think I deserve to be. We all deserve to be a little selfish in order to live life on our own terms.
I haven't told that many people about Prague. Not because I don't want to, but because I know what they are going to say. Except this isn't about them, it's about me. It's about rediscovering myself, uncovering a new type of happiness, and continuing to live life on my own terms.
"You don't have to understand why I'm doing this, you just have to support me."
My oldest brother doesn't get it because he spent nearly a decade in school to earn a PhD, and he has been working with BP since. So yeah, he doesn't get why I'm doing this because his career path has always been shoveled for him.
Not everyone will understand your decisions in life, or support the path you follow, but the only thing that matters is your ability to believe in yourself.
And for the first time in a long time, I believe in myself, in my abilities, and in this.
