(via)
Messy, yet simple.
Crowded, yet elegant.
Lost, yet beautiful.
Broken, yet unique.
I woke up today feeling out of sorts. I still feel out of it. I mean, I'm here, I'm doing things and making strides, but I don't feel like myself. I feel lost and messy and broken.
I'm making great strides to help eradicate cervical cancer and raise awareness for the disease, but I don't feel like I'm making a difference; I don't feel like my actions are being noticed.
I'm making a conceited effort to learn more so I can grow professionally, but I still feel uneducated.
I'm making a conceited effort to read more, but I still feel like the stack of books just keep piling up on my desk.
I'm making a conceited effort to teach myself new programs, new software, and new projects, but I feel like I'm failing.
I think I finally reached my breaking point. I'm doing too much, I'm working too hard, I'm forcing myself to believe I can do it all. I'm forcing myself to believe I'm invincible, but now it's caught up to me. I need to stop doing so much. I need to stop thinking so much. I need to stop trying to cram 4928 projects into one single day, and let myself complete one project each day. But it's hard (that's what she said) to not do too much, to not work so hard, to not believe I can do it all. I want to be successful. I want to make a change. But I realize that I'm pushing myself beyond my limits and it's finally come at a cost.
I'm just glad tomorrow's a new day.
"I have to believe my actions still have meaning ... I have to believe that when my eyes are closed, the world's still there..."
I feel like this often. You just have to keep on moving. Take breaks when you need to. I know you do put a lot of pressure on yourself.
ReplyDeleteSomething that I have found to help, is to take a day of the week, or an hour a day, or whatever just to clear your mind completely. Get rid of deadlines, don't worry about where you need to be, do whatever you want, even if its nothing.
We can have Phase 10 night whenever you want, that always helps. There's also a new Monopoly card game I want to check out.
Juuuust sayin'.
I might even spoon with you if you talk sweet to me.