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Time heals all wounds, but scars leave a permanent mark. On your skin. On your soul. On your ego. On your heart. And sometimes the wounds that take the longest to heal are the ones that have penetrated the deepest part of your soul.
I used to believe in second chances. To make amends. Show growth. Believe that the other person has the capacity to change their ways. I give someone a second chance because I want to believe that they are a good person and that they do, indeed, have the capacity to change. The reality is: people don't change - we are who we are.
Nine times out of 10, I get burned on the second chance. Betrayal. Deceit. Heartache. The second chance always stings more than the first. But I choose to get burned because I learn from every opportunity, decision and mistake I make. I want to believe that there really are good people in this world and I just want someone to be that person.
I thought I would be okay. I am, for the most part, but I still have that stinging feeling I can't shake. Feeling taken advantage of. Feeling vulnerable. Feeling like a man got the best of me and ran away the first second he could. Just thinking about it is enough to knock me down on my strongest day.
If there's one thing I learned from therapy, it's to work through any pain you feel. Acknowledge it, work through it, and then let it go. Ignoring or hiding the pain will just make things worse. Acknowledging the pain is easy; it's working through it that's the tough part. Realizing that even the smartest man has his flaws. Understanding that sharing too much too soon is never a good thing. Knowing that your life was fine before he was a part of it and it will be fine again after you make him leave it.
Sometimes second chances aren't worth it. Sometimes friendships and dating just don't mix. Sometimes you really can't be just friends after you've become completely vulnerable to someone. And sometimes you realize that it's not you, it's him and his flaws.
"The things we said and did have left permanent scars..."
- Just a Feeling, Maroon 5 -
