"People don't change, we are who we are."
When I first read that quote back in high school, after reading Great Expectations, I believed it. How many times have you tried to change someone into being a person you wish they were? I believed it after learning that you can't change people into being someone they're not.
So then a friend once said to me (years after high school):
"The only constant thing in this world is change."
Things change. People change. That left me back at square one, trying to figure out if people really do change. Needless to say, I'm still trying to figure it out. After all these years of making friendships and reconnecting, I thought I knew it all; I thought I knew who my real friends were. The truth? I don't. And maybe I never will.
In high school I had one solid group of friends. We ate lunch together, we played the same sports, we had the same classes - it was easy to have that close-knit group of friends who you knew would always be there for you.
Then I went to college and that close-knit group of friends deteriorated and I made a few new friends. We had some classes together, we went to parties together, we had lunch dates together. College was a little harder making friends because I wasn't in a sorority, but I did manage to make a few close friendships.
Then after graduation I moved 300 miles away from home and those college friendships deteriorated. I made a couple new friends my first year in the big city, but now being here five years, even those friendships have died. But the friendships I have made? Well, I wouldn't trade them for anything in this world.
I thought maybe it was me; maybe I'm the one who has problems maintaining friendships. But now I'm starting to learn that it's not so much my failure to maintain friendships as it is discovering a person's true colors and realizing the need to let go.
How many times have we held onto a friendship or a relationship, thinking we could change it, but knowing it is destined to fail? Letting go is the hardest part. As much as I want a thousand good friends, I know that a good friend is hard to come by. Because eventually people reveal their true colors and you see that maybe they weren't the person you once thought they were. And eventually you reach a point in your life where you have to rid yourself of those who don't matter and make room for those who really do.
No regrets, just a lesson learned.
It's sad when someone you know, becomes someone you knew.
How many times have we held onto a friendship or a relationship, thinking we could change it, but knowing it is destined to fail? Letting go is the hardest part. As much as I want a thousand good friends, I know that a good friend is hard to come by. Because eventually people reveal their true colors and you see that maybe they weren't the person you once thought they were. And eventually you reach a point in your life where you have to rid yourself of those who don't matter and make room for those who really do.
No regrets, just a lesson learned.
It's sad when someone you know, becomes someone you knew.
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No friend is every completely shitty. After all, why on earth would you even have them as a friend? I believe that people come into our lives at the right times and they're there for us through things that we need them for. After they do their time, they fleet away for whatever reason.
ReplyDeleteI also believe that there are "sometime" friends and "all the time" friends. The sometime friends aren't "bad" per se, but they're ones that are there for certain things, and not for others. "All the time" friends are those you know you can count on for anything.
Knowing the difference makes you value people all the more for whatever their role is - and not having unfair expectations of people. If they're a sometime friend, don't count on them always being there.
I think you're right, but Katie is right too. Everyone is who they are, and you have to take them as such. Life is all about learning, and learning who you can and can't trust is part of that.
ReplyDelete