on bad sex

"In a relationship, when does the art of compromise become compromising?"

- Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

I've been watching episodes of Sex and the City religiously lately.  I own all six seasons (and the movie) but it seems like every time I watch an episode, I get something different out of it.  Also, I find myself watching the show when I, myself, am sorting through a relationship  relationship-ish-type situation, in the hopes that I'll find my answers from the show.

It's hard to know what a good relationship is when you've spent your entire dating career in bad ones.  It also doesn't help when you surround yourself with people who are in bad relationships. 

I have this guy who is falling head over heels in love with me (seriously!) and I can't decide if I want to hug him or punch  hi-five him.  Most of the time I just want to hi-five him, but every now and then he has his shining moments when I want to hug him.  He's an overall good guy (and as they say, nice guys finish last) but I don't know how I feel yet.

One thing I can't get used to is all of the touchy-feely-ness.  It makes me want to gag.  For real.  He feels the need to hug me every. five. seconds. and I just want to throw up  walk away.  Another thing that's difficult to get used to?  All of the "you're so gorgeous/beautiful/awesome/etc." compliments he throws at me.  It's one thing to do it once in a while (which is what I prefer), but it's another thing to do it every. five. minutes.  Now, I'm sure the typical girl loves to be compliments every second of every day, but me?  I'm perfectly fine with getting complimented never once a year.  Seriously.  I am.  And it makes me feel like a guy who feels the need to compliment a woman all the time is insecure with himself. 

Maybe?  Just a little?

Or not.

(that was my attempt at psychology there)

So one thing I'm terrified of is sex. With him. 

There, I said it.

I usually wait five minutes a couple dates before I'll sleep with a guy.  Well, depending on my mood. 

Just kidding.

Or am I?

But this guy?  Well, for whatever reason, I'm terrified of playing slap and tickle  bumpin' uglies  hiding the salami  having sex.  Mostly because I know he's already in love with me (true story) and I know that once the sex has been paid for had, there's nothing else left.  Everything's been laid on the table.  And I guess maybe I'm more afraid of having bad sex with him because if it IS bad, there's no turning back.  I'm totally screwed and he'll want to get married.  Now, of course the sex could be mind blowing  orgasmic really good, but in all seriousness, how many times have you slept with a guy who has been REALLY GOOD IN BED? 

 Me? 

Three.  Three guys out of the 486594 [insert number here] I have been with were really good in bed.  Sure, I've been with guys who have been good in bed, but guys who are really good?  Few and far between.

While sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship, it definitely IS important.  At least for me.  I mean, I honestly can't be in a relationship with a guy who is terrible in bed.  It just won't work.  I need to have that physical (and sexual) attraction or the relationship is destined to fail. 

I feel like I'm at a crossroads in this whatever-it-is relationship-type-situation.  I'm trying to compromise (I didn't say it was going well, just the mere fact that I'm trying), but it's hard (that's what she said).  I feel like I'm stuck in my single-gal-ways and I can't get break out of them.  I know I need to open myself up again to the possibility of having a relationship with this guy, but I just can't seem to do it.  Something is holding me back and I just don't know what it is.

Probably the idea of terrible sex.

Or maybe the fact that he's moving to Flo-rida in February and it would mean having to make a long-distance relationship work for at least two years before he would get relocated again.

Nope, it's definitely the bad sex.

FML.