on relationship-life and public displays of affection

I am fiercely independent. 

I like shopping by myself because I get in and out faster than when I'm doing it with someone else.  (that's what she said!)

I like watching tv by myself because I only watch specific tv shows and I hate sitting through commercials.

I like doing things myself because I can and because I've been doing things on my own since I was 18.

So how do you break away from the independent-ness of single-hood to the dependent-ness of a relationship?

I haven't been in a real relationship in a few years.  I've dated over the last couple years, but not to anyone I would label as being a "boyfriend."  I've been so used to being on my own and single that I forgot what it's like to be with someone. 

In all honesty, I like not having to check in (or up, or on, or whatever) with someone.  I like not having to worry about certain things.  I like coming home at the end of the night and climbing into my own bed and sleeping diagonally on it because I can and because it's the best way for me to sleep after a long night of sex drinking.

This weekend I got my first real dose of relationship-life.  And frankly, I don't know if I like it or hate it. Although I think it stems more from my mixed feelings for the boy, than it does for my opinion of general relationship-life.  I want that happily ever after ending we all strive for, but I'm just not sure I see it in him. 

But I am known for being way too picky when it comes to dating boys.  And all of the wrong boys seem to invest more in me that I do in me, so be it as it may.

Or may it be what it is.

Or it is what it is?

I digress.

So, I'm not big on PDA.  In fact, it makes me super uncomfortable, especially when I am around my friends.  I don't mind seeing it, I just hate doing it. 

Kissing in public?  I'd rather vomit in public.

Holding hands?  Maybe.  If I like you enough.

Touching me in all kinds of places?  I need to immediately walk away.

Even on New Year's Eve or under mistletoe when society says you're suppose to display those affections.  I'd rather sit in the corner alone.

So this weekend was full of PDA and it totally grossed me out.  Although it wasn't as much the public displays of affection as it was just touching in general.  Sure, I don't mind the occasional back rub and kiss-me-as-you-walk-past, but when we're sitting on the couch and you're touching me constantly and hugging me and kissing me, it makes me want to cringe.  Also, when I'm washing dishes and you sneak up behind me and hug me, you better hope I'm not washing a knife, because I will use it. 

Wait... what?!

I've never really been into the touchy-feely and heavy petting.  Did you know you can get HPV from heavy petting?

Consider that your fact of the day.

You're welcome.

Anyway, I'm trying to warm up to it, but it just isn't working for me.  It makes me feel ridiculously uncomfortable, even if it's just us on the couch watching TV.  And if that's the case, the closest I'll come to touching you is laying on the couch and putting my foot on your crotch across your lap.  But don't stroke my leg.  Just keep your hands to yourself and all will be right with the world.

Or at least in our relationship-life.



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