in the zone

{via}

"I really like you.  You're beautiful, intelligent, and dynamic.  You make me laugh - and it's rare to find a woman who can make me laugh.  And you laugh at my jokes, which I think is great.  But... here's the thing.  If we continue to date each other, I'm going to turn into a douchebag and disappear after a couple months and never talk to you.  Because that's what I do.  I date someone for a little while and then bail.  And then find someone else to date for a while and bail.  I don't know why - maybe because I've been in a committed relationship for 10 years and it's the Bachelor screaming in me - but it's just what I do for right now.  Maybe down the road when I'm ready for another relationship, we can pursue it, but the last thing I want to do is hurt you.  Because I really, really do like you - I think the world of you - but I really want to be close friends years from now and I just don't want to ruin whatever we have, whatever this is."  

Have I mentioned how much I hate dating?

Well, I do.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't see this coming.  I just had a hunch.  While I appreciate his honesty and upfront-ness, it still stings.  Investing some time into a person, beginning to feel something for someone, all to get pushed into the Friend Zone at the end.

I don't know how to maintain a friendship with an ex.  Ex-boyfriend.  Ex-dater.  Ex-whateveryoucallit.  In fact, I don't talk to any guys that I've been involved with.  Not my college boyfriend.  Not the guy I dated last summer or two years ago.  Not even any of the guys I've had casual encounters with.  Actually, that's a lie.  I'm good friends with one guy that I had a brief stint with.  But for the most part, I don't know how to be friends with an ex.  Because the friendship is never the same, and things are always off kilter when your ex starts dating someone else.  And I'm the kind of person who falls hard and fast for someone, and would prefer not to experience the after-effects of trying to maintain a friendship with an ex.

Thankfully, I haven't invested too many feelings or emotions into this (which is exactly why I dislike relationships - the feelings!  the emotions!  the break-ups!  I can't handle it!!), but it still stings.  It's like someone punched me in the stomach.  Because we shared intimate secrets, stories, and life experiences with each other and I allowed myself to become vulnerable to him.  It still hurts when you really do like someone - and those feelings are returned - but the guy just can't commit.  Or he won't commit.  Perhaps it's not the fact that he doesn't want a commitment right now (which is fine, because frankly I don't think I could handle a serious commitment right now, either), so much as it is the fact that he knows and wants to be a serial dater, and won't let anyone hold him back from being that.

Don't get me wrong, I get the whole enjoy your singlehood and date around thing, I do.  I did it, I enjoyed it.  It even made for some great blog fodder.  I guess I just don't understand it when feelings are returned and invested.  Am I too old-fashioned by believing in monogamy? 

Now I know why he made the rule of not dating anyone from the gym or hockey leagues.  Because whether we stay friends or not, I still have to see him at least once a week.  But at least he's off to Brazil for three weeks, so I have some time to figure out where to go from here. 

Is it really possible to stay close friends with an ex or someone you dated?  Or am I just that socially incompetent?